Trial By Fire(d)

Let me share the craziest reason I got fired. I was hired to a call center, and something that was noted to us during training was that it was less than six months old — brand spanking new.

I was there for two weeks, and the human resource manager sent me an email stating she needed a particular document by the end of the week to continue working there. Well, Mr. Procrastinator here completely forgot about this document until the end of the week came. I came home from a shift, plopped down on a couch, and suddenly remembered the document.

I had enough time to take the last bus of the night there and then the last bus of the night home. If I missed the last bus, I would be stranded until five the next morning.

I grabbed my document, made the trip to the call center, and noticed that the human resources manager’s office door was open. I quickly dashed inside, slapped the paper down on her desk, and then bolted back out in a mad race to catch the last bus of the night for the ride home.

Monday came, and I appeared for my regular shift. I was instead stopped at the door by a security officer and escorted to the human resource manager’s office.

As you read the following one-sided “dialogue”, just imagine that the only words that were able to leave my lips were, “But I—” and, “Wait a second,” and, “I was—” and, “Let me exp—”

I literally couldn’t complete a full sentence.

Manager: “I had a USB stick on my desk with some important information on it that suddenly vanished. After interviewing some people, two witnesses said they saw you at 11:00 pm running out of my office — DON’T INTERRUPT! — looking around wildly like you were up to something, soaked in sweat, and running like a madman for the exit. There is no logical reason you would have been in my office at 11:00 at night — NO! STOP! — unless you had something sinister planned. Maybe you’re spying for another company and took the stick thinking there were trade secrets — YES, YOU DID! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! — but you are terminated at this point. And although there isn’t anything dangerous on that stick you stole — I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! — we’re still going to look into what legal options we have that we can take against you. NO, YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!”

And with that, she had the security officer put me out. Just like that. The jury had reached the verdict and the judge had pronounced his sentence and slammed the hammer before the defendant was even arrested!

Fast forward two weeks. I received a letter via certified mail from said call center, very politely asking me to come in for an appointment to discuss the incident and placing heavy emphasis that I wasn’t in any trouble. The letter went in the trash.

[Manager] then left a voicemail message asking me to come in, advising me of her schedule for the week. I started to feel a bit apprehensive, but I thought it might be in my best interest to give my side of the story regarding the missing USB stick with company information if it meant avoiding legal problems. I went ahead and made the trip out there.

When I let the receptionist know I was there to see her, [Manager] emerged shortly afterward. With this bright, vomit-inducing smile, she reached her hand out and thanked me for coming. I simply gave her a cold look and kept my arms folded.

Manager: “I understand. Let’s go back into my office…”

Me: “I can hear you perfectly fine from where I’m standing. What do you want?”

In summary, the manager admitted to screwing up big time and apologized for firing me. It turned out that the USB stick had been bumped off her desk and neatly wedged in between some cords. She remarked that she was new to this job, that she was the owner’s daughter, and that she had just been trying the best she could to protect the family business. Naturally, she tried to offer me my job back.

Me: “While I appreciate you apologizing to me, what you did underscores exactly why nepotism is a business operation poison. If you’re that inexperienced to where you fire people on the drop of a dime, and where you conclude your investigation at the first suspicious clue, then I can all but predict what working here is going to be like. In which case, I’ll stay with the backbreaking warehouse job that I found. At least I know if something comes up missing, they’ll know how to get everyone’s side of the story before making a final decision.”

And with that, I left to go start my shift with that backbreaking warehouse job — which I kept for four years.

But I’ll never forget how incompetent that manager was and how horribly she handled the situation, firing me after her first “Aha!” moment.