To Pee, Or Not To Pee

(We have gone to a rather upscale local area to play Pokémon Go, and stopped into a restaurant to grab some dinner. The meal is fantastic, and because our friends’ drink takes a long time to show up, the waiter is kind enough to take it off the bill. We leave a generous tip because of how well he has taken care of us, despite problems with it being packed. I head into the bathroom before we leave.)

Me: *smiles and gives a polite hello to a waiter who is prepping silverware next to the bathroom*

Waiter #1: “Have a great evening!” *continues to wrap napkins around silverware carefully*

(I step into the bathroom and I am horrified by the sight inside. Despite there being two stalls, the bathroom is a complete mess. Wads and long pieces of toilet paper are strewn all over the floor, paper towels have been scattered everywhere, and the first stall has no toilet paper on the roll at all. I tiptoe around it all and check the second stall, and immediately leave the bathroom when I see that someone has peed on the floor in front of the toilet and left a sizable puddle that covers most of the stall floor. I am basically gagging as I stare in horror at the bathroom door, backing away quickly.)

Waiter #2: *leaving the men’s bathroom and noticing my shocked and disgusted look* “Is everything all right?”

Me: *moving further away* “The bathroom is a total mess! Someone even peed all over the floor in front of the toilet! It looks like they tried to hover without touching the seat and failed miserably.”

Waiter #1: *stops wrapping silverware, looking horrified* “I’d go clean it immediately, but… I can’t. For obvious reasons.”

Waiter #2: *looking disgusted, as well* “Same here. We have to wait until we can get a female coworker to do it, because male staff isn’t allowed in. I’m terribly sorry!”

(Both begin to fidget as if they are expecting something bad to happen.)

Me: “That’s fine. I understand you don’t want to get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit because someone wants to be dumb about you cleaning a bathroom. I’ll just wait for my boyfriend to come out and find somewhere else to go. It’s not your fault.”

(They both stop fidgeting and stare at me.)

Waiter #1: “So… you aren’t going to scream at us?”

Me: “Why would I? You didn’t go in there and pee all over the floor!”

(They both look very relieved and smile.)

Waiter #2: “Thank you! I honestly thought you would start screaming at us. We get screamed at a lot for things we have no control of!”

Me: *shaking my head* “No way! I wouldn’t do that. I just wish that women wouldn’t be so gross, and just sit on the d*** toilet seat instead of peeing on the seat and floor because the seat might have germs. It makes it grosser for everyone else!”

(My boyfriend came out and we left. The waiters seemed very happy, and one ran off to go find someone to clean the bathroom. I pity the person who got stuck having to clean that bathroom!)