This… Is An Ex-Grandma!

(My grandmother has passed, and I am the executor of her estate. I keep her cell phone activated for the month after her death in order to inform any friends of her passing, as well as to inform any companies that I might have missed in her paperwork. I expected telemarketing calls, but not the amount that have come in. I’ve finally had enough.)

Caller: “Hello! May I speak with [Grandma], please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, she is not available. May I ask who’s calling?”

Caller: “I’m [Caller], calling from [Life Insurance Company].”

Me: “Well, that won’t do her any good now, as she’s passed away.”

(Obviously not listening, the caller continues with her script.)

Me: “Excuse me, but she’s passed.”

Caller: *still going on*

Me: “MA’AM! She’s passed away. She’s no longer here.”

(She still isn’t getting it, so I have a light-bulb moment. I put the phone on speaker and bring up my favorite skit by my favorite 70s British comedy troupe… about a parrot. I cue up the rant in the skit and hit play. The caller goes silent.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes? Are you still there? So, if I might speak with…”

(I restart the video and hit play.)

Me: “Have you figured it out yet?”

Caller: “Well, you could have said so.”