This Baker’s Dozen Is Beyond Help

Keep in mind that this display of human awesomeness occurs in an upper-middle-class suburban area, where new homes start at a quarter of a million dollars. The phone rings.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bagel Shop]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: *angry* “I need to speak to someone that can help me!”

Me: “Well, our manager doesn’t come on for another two hours; what can I do for you, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Can you help me?!”

Me: “Yes, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Can you help me?”

Me: *Internal sigh* “Yes, sir. I can help you.”

Customer: “Good!”

There is a long pause.

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “Well, I came in and bought a dozen bagels!”

I am suppressing the desire to comment, “Well, this is a bagel store.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “And when I got home, I only had twelve bagels!”

It is this store’s policy to sell bagels as a baker’s dozen, which is thirteen, while only charging for twelve.

Me: “Ah, yes, sir. Well, I’m sure there was some mistake—”

Customer: “You’re d*** right, there was a mistake! I need someone to help me!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you would like, we’ll give you a free dozen bagels—”

Customer: “You’re useless! I already have a dozen bagels!” *Hangs up*

Me: “…”