23 Customers Who Would Get Even Their Plastic Plants Killed

| Right | May 30, 2020

Dear readers,

Today is Water a Flower Day! While many in the Not Always Right editing team know the lazy pleasure of owning a plastic plant, we are all in agreement that they’re no substitute for the real thing! If you do have some friends in bloom at home right now, use today as an opportunity to give them all a decent watering, and help them to provide some green positive energy!

Sadly, the 23 stories gathered here from our archives showcase that there are many people out there who would somehow get their plastic plants killed…

 

This Refund Is Cut And Dried – Sorry dude, but it wasn’t the flowers…

About To Be A War Of The Roses – She’s going to find an interesting place to stick those flowers…

Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual, Part 2 – Cross-Pollination-Hub!

Barking Up All The Trees – The flora version of “I am looking for a book, it’s blue.”

A Chance To Play God – Just choose the flowers that don’t labor or spin.

An Offering To The Literary Gods – Methinks she’s following the letter of her anger management classes, if not the spirit.

Up His Own Perineum – He’s looking for some chloriniums.

Those Who Have Impotence Will Never Lose Their Flower – Good luck trying to get those to cross-pollinate!

Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head – A ‘natural’ teenage behavior.

Your Garden-Variety Idiot – She’s growing baaaah-gonias.

The Richer They Are, The Cheaper They Become – The title says it all. Rich people got rich because they expect everything for free.

How About We Toilet Paper Your Lawn Instead – Just redo a whole lawn – it’s nothing!

Digging Your Tree Out Of A Hole – It’s literally six feet under.

The Problem With Dirty Words – Unable to get the dirt on what is actually happening here.

Accusations Wood Require Hard Proof – Somehow we think turning up an hour later wouldn’t have made much difference…

Someone Needs Sensitivity Training – Ebinezer Scrooge needs his flowers!

We’d Love To Cut Your Lawn, But— – Can we just say–

Not A Turf Decision – The plants never forget.

H2-D’oh! – What grassless planet has he been living on?

Time For Them To Make Like A Tree And Leave – The karma will be the cherry tree on top.

How To Make The Customer Blossom – You catch more flies with honeysuckle than violas.

Set Fire To The Rain – But we do! We really, really do!

Will Get It Done Come Rain Or Shine – He needs to learn how to read the landscape-ing.

And finally, a feel-good story with an awesome customer who deserves all the flowers!

Momma Raised Him Right – We wanted to end this post on a smile – after all, your plants can tell when you’re frowning!

 

We hope you enjoyed this collection of stories! Know any that we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to submit your own story? Do it here!

Stay safe, everyone!