The Blood Of Jesus: Now In Cartons!

(I grew up in a Catholic family, and while I don’t attend church as regularly anymore, I do still enjoy a good Bible study, worship service, or chance to do charitable work. My parents and I also tend to make jokes in serious situations. My cousin is making her confirmation, and my father is her sponsor, so my mom and I are sitting on the other side of the pew. During the homily, the monsignor mentions that after mass the newly-confirmed will go next door to receive their certificates and a gift. I whisper to my mom, wondering what the gift is.)

Me: “Do you think it’s a Bible?”

Mom: “Could be. Or a rosary.”

Me: “Or champagne. Congrats, you got confirmed!”

Mom: “Yeahhhhh, no. The church isn’t going to do that.”

Me: “Or a nice bottle of red wine, so you can have the blood of Jesus anytime.”

Mom: *gasp* “What?”

Me: “Am I going to Hell?”

Mom: “We probably all are… Actually, you know what? That’s not up to us. Only God can judge you.”

Me: “But probably?”

Mom: “Yeah, probably.”