(During the night shift at the restaurant I work at, a customer pulls up.)

Customer: “I’ll get a cheeseburger, a small [Soda], and some chips, please.”

Me: “Okay, will that be all for today?”

Customer: *deadpan* “Well, could you dip the bag in chocolate? Can you do that?”

(I laugh, because the customer made a direct quote from comedian Tim Hawkins who has a joke about how people never eat healthily at fast food places.)

Me: “I see that you watch Tim Hawkins!”

(There is an awkward silence on the other end of the phone.)

Customer: “Uh… who’s Tim Hawkins?”

Me: “Never mind.”

Customer: “But can you dip the bag in chocolate?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t.”

(To this day I have no idea whether it was an actual, insane request, or if somebody with a sense of humor decided to mess with my mind.)

(Customers tend to not read the descriptions of items on the menu, and we serve a particular crowd that only eats chicken.)

Customer: “Can I get two BBQ burgers, a Swiss burger, and just a regular hamburger?”

Me: “Sure, your total is [total].”

(A while later they get their food. The customer stares at burgers and points to an OBVIOUSLY beef patty.)

Customer: “Uh, this is chicken, right?”

Me: “No, sir, that’s beef.”

Customer: “Oh, well I wanted chicken; we don’t eat beef.”

Me: “Well, it says on the menu these burgers are served with beef patties; if you want chicken burgers I would have to charge you.”

Customer: “I’m not eating these, and I don’t want to pay for them. Can you please just change them?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s four burgers! I can’t do that.”

(The customer left the burgers and left with his family. I know it was a bit harsh of me but it’s a recurring problem and frankly very annoying!)

Me: “Hi, can I get two [value meals], twelve nuggets, and two sundaes, please”.

Cashier: “Sorry, we don’t sell twelve nuggets. We only have them in six or ten packs”.

Me: “Okay… Can I get two of the six-pack, then?”

Cashier: *pauses* “Oh… yeah, I guess we could do that.”

(I go into a fast food restaurant and place an order that is very standard: their double cheeseburger and French fries. No customization. As I’m waiting for my food, I notice that they are bagging older, limp fries that have been sitting under the warmer. I don’t know what my face looked like, but the cashier must have noticed my distaste.)

Employee: “You know, if you want fresh fries, just ask for them without the salt. You’ll have to wait, but they’ll be fresh, and you can put the salt on yourself.”

Me: “Thanks, man. I’ll do that.”

(I get my order and leave.  A couple of days later I return around the same time, and the same cashier is working, so I get in his line and place my order, asking for the fries without salt. The cashier goes red in the face, and angrily punches in the order.)

Employee: *glaring* “Are you kidding me? You’re like the fifth person to ask for that today. Do you know how much you’re holding up the line just so we can make you your special batch of fries?”.

Me: “Dude, you’re the one who told me to order it that way. If you don’t want people to order fries without salt, stop telling people that is the easiest way to get fresh fries.”

(He immediately starts protesting loudly, as the person next to him turns out to be his manager, and coolly says:)

Manager: “I knew it was you.”

(My dad and I head over to a popular sandwich restaurant. We order our meal and we get our drinks. Everything seems normal until…)

Me: “And that’s when—” *takes sip of sweet tea*

Dad: “…and that’s when…? What?”

Me: *starts to cough* “Would you mind trying this tea real quick?”

Dad: “Why?”

Me: “Just do it.”

Dad: “Fine” *he takes a sip he gets a disgusted look on his face*

Me: “I’m pretty sure they mistook the sugar for salt.”

Dad: “Wow, that is strong! I have never seen someone mix tea and salt before!”

(The waitress comes over.)

Waitress: “How is your meal?”

Dad: “So, uh… they might have mixed up the sugar with salt for the tea.”

Waitress: “Really!? Let me try.” *she leaves and comes back with a glass of tea, and she takes a sip* “I guess they did! Let me get the manager.”

(She leaves and comes back with the manager.)

Manager: “So what’s the problem here?”

Dad: “The tea has salt in it instead of sugar.”

Manager: *laughs* “I’m going to go try it!”

(He comes back with ANOTHER cup to try.)

Manager: *takes a sip* “I can’t believe it! That is pretty funny. I guess we will have to make a new batch.”

(For a second I thought the whole restaurant was going to try to taste it.)