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These Customers Come At All Hours

| Right | March 20, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve been waiting for over an hour! Where’s my pizza?”

Me: “It’s on its way, sir.”

Customer: “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “About what, sir?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting for over an hour!”

Me: “We won’t be doing anything. There’s no way you’ve waited that long.”

Customer: “WHAT?! ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!”

Me: “No, sir, just mistaken.”

Customer: “And why’s that?!”

Me: “It’s 11:20, sir—”

Customer: “So?!”

Me: “We open at 10:30.”

Customer: *click*

Here’s A Tip: Bring The Pizzas

| Working | March 16, 2017

(I have ordered pizza for delivery. They always ask for a phone number to contact. Phone rings:)

Me: “Hello?”

Delivery Guy: “Pizza.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Okay, what about it?”

Delivery Guy: “I have your pizza.”

Me: “And? Are you having trouble finding the house?”

Delivery Guy: “I have your pizza.”

Me: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Delivery Guy: “I’m in your driveway.”

Me: “Good. And I’m in my living room.”

Delivery Guy: “Aren’t you going to come get the pizza?”

Me: “No. You’re going to get out of the car and walk to my door, ring and/or knock, and hand me the pizza.”

Delivery Guy: “Carrying all this?” *it was two medium pizzas*

(After eventually delivering the pizzas.)

Delivery Guy: “Aren’t you gonna tip me?”

Me: “Next time, actually deliver the pizzas.”

Pizza By Elimination

, | Right | March 14, 2017

(A customer is calling in a to-go order over the phone.)

Customer: “I’ll have a large pepperoni, mushroom, and olive pizza but my wife doesn’t like mushrooms or olives.”

Me: “So… a large pepperoni pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

A Hot Slice Of Justice, Part 4

, | Right | March 1, 2017

(I work from home selling crafty items that I make. My business phone number is available for custom requests and linked to a cell phone. I get a phone call from a private number. This is always suspicious to me but I answer anyway.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Business]. [My Name] speaking!”

(There’s an incoherent screech reminiscent of a three-year-old who has learned how high-pitched they can make their voice and a thumping that sounds like stomping feet. I assume that a very young child is playing with the phone and hang up. The phone rings again.)

Customer: “How dare you hang up on me! I ordered a pizza and it hasn’t arrived yet!”

Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number, ma’am.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! This is [number not even remotely like mine] and I ordered a pizza from you!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I don’t make food items.” *she tries to interrupt me, but I keep going* “Thank you and goodbye.” *click*

(The phone rings again and when I answer she is screaming incoherently again. I hang up. She calls again, and I pick it up and immediately hang it up as the first note of her voice comes over the receiver. The next time I pick up the phone and just hold it in the air, letting her vent full volume into space. I get bored and watch the clock. It eventually goes quiet after about five minutes of screaming and ranting with no response whatsoever from me. Eventually she catches on that something isn’t right.)

Customer: “Hello…?”

Me: “Good. Afternoon. You. Have. Called. [Business]. We do NOT serve pizzas!”

Customer: “…” *click*


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Their Comprehension Is Limited

| Right | February 20, 2017

(I’m a manager of a small pizzeria. Our coupons do not have expiration dates, but do specify “for a limited time only; all prices subject to change without notice.”)

Customer #1: “I got this coupon for $11.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that offer has expired. The combo is now $12.99, so it will just be a dollar more.”

Customer #2: *evidently grabs phone from [Customer #1]* “HEY! You gotta accept this coupon because there’s no expiration date on it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that was for a limited time. We no longer have that offer. It’s now $12.99.”

Customer #2: “Nope, it doesn’t have an expiration date! All it says is, “limited time offer; prices subject to change without notice.” SEE, it doesn’t have a date on it! So you gotta take it.”

(After this goes on a couple of more rounds, she angrily accepted it, and let me know she’ll be contacting the owner.)