(I work for a very popular pizza delivery chain. During my shift I answer the phone.)
Me: “Thank you for choosing [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”
Customer: “Yes I’d like to order an ultimate pepperoni pizza.”
Me: “All right, ma’am, may I ask is this for delivery or carry out?”
Customer: “Delivery.”
Me: “And what size pizza and style of crust would you like?”
Customer: “I want a large pan pizza.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. We only carry pan pizza in medium.”
Customer: “Why? What if that’s what the customer wants? How much is this going to cost me anyway?”
Me: “We’ll, ma’am, we haven’t finished your order yet. I still need to know the size and style of crust you would like.”
Customer: “I already told you, large pan.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we only carry pan crust in medium. The pans themselves are medium size. There is no way for us to make a large pan pizza. You can get a medium pan for [amount].”
Customer: “I don’t want a medium; I want a large.”
Me: “Well, here are the crusts available in large: hand tossed, Brooklyn style, or crunchy thin.”
Customer: “Hand tossed, I suppose.”
Me: “All right. What else can I get for you? Drinks? Sides? Desserts?”
Customer: “I want a two-liter [Brand #1 Soda] and 14-piece hot wings.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only carry [Brand #2 Soda] products.”
Customer: “Well, Jeezus, can’t you people ever satisfy anyone?! You are not good at your job at all. I want regular [Brand #2 Soda] and make sure to send peppers and parmesan cheese with the driver.”
Me: “Ma’am, we do have to charge for the parmesan now because it comes in a larger shaker container.”
Customer: “This is such bull-s***! I call you expecting good customer service and I bet you were even going to charge me for the delivery weren’t you!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. Our delivery charge is $2.99 and the cost goes to our insurance company to help protect our drivers on the road. None of the $2.99 goes to the driver.”
Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m never ordering from here again. I’m going to have you boycotted into bankruptcy. Then you’ll see.”
Me: “All right, ma’am. So, are you canceling your order?”
Customer: “Yes, I am.”
Me: “Well, I apologize for any inconvenience and I do hope you have a great day.”
Customer: “F*** you, you piece of s***!” *hangs up*
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