(After enduring a painstakingly slow day working and both being incredibly tired, my mother and I decide to stop by one of our favorite pizza places rather than have to go home and cook. I have a habit of saying the first thing that pops into my head without thinking and, as we’re leaving, this ensues:)

Me: *as I’m stepping through the door, to the cashier* “Thanks for the pizza, dude. I love you!”

Mum: “She’s being sarcastic! She doesn’t really mean—”

Me: “I am not!”

Mum: *lowers voice* “You can’t just tell people you love them.”

Me: “Yes, I can. He gave me pizza!”

Mum: “He didn’t give you pizza. I bought pizza!”

(Just for the record, I had never seen the cashier before in my life.)

(I’m taking a gentleman’s order over the phone for delivery.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large pizza, half sausage and mushroom and the other half mushroom. That’s all.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a large pizza, all of it with mushrooms and half with sausage as well?”

Customer: “NO! I want a large pizza with HALF sausage and mushroom and HALF mushroom.”

Me: “So basically the exact same thing I just said? Great your total will be $[price] with tax and delivery we’ll see you soon.”  *hang up*

(I order a pizza on the night daylight saving time ends, at 1:45 am DST. They tell me it will be there in about half an hour, and sure enough, half an hour later, it arrives. It is now 1:15 am, standard time, because we set the clocks back. I have no complaints, but a couple of days later, I get a call from a manager.)

Manager: “Hello, I’m calling about your order a couple of days ago from [Pizza Place].”

Me: “Yes, was there a problem?”

Manager: “You tell me. It’s showing here that your order took 993 minutes to be delivered, but that’s what, 16 hours? I just wanted to follow up and see what happened.”

Me: “No, it took about half an hour, pretty much what they promised.”

Manager: “So you ordered at 1:45 am, and it was delivered at… 1:16 am? That is fast, but that can’t be right.”

Me: *thinking back* “Wasn’t that the day we set our clocks back? So that does make sense. Maybe your computer system couldn’t handle a negative and it overflowed?”

Manager: “Like Gandhi?”

Me: “Yeah, like Gandhi.”

Manager: “Well, sorry to bother you, and I hope you order again soon. We’ll be fast next time, too, but we can’t get it to you before you order. That was a one-time thing!”

This story is part of our Daylight Saving Time roundup!

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(I work for a very popular pizza delivery chain. During my shift I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like to order an ultimate pepperoni pizza.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, may I ask is this for delivery or carry out?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

Me: “And what size pizza and style of crust would you like?”

Customer: “I want a large pan pizza.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. We only carry pan pizza in medium.”

Customer: “Why? What if that’s what the customer wants? How much is this going to cost me anyway?”

Me: “We’ll, ma’am, we haven’t finished your order yet. I still need to know the size and style of crust you would like.”

Customer: “I already told you, large pan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we only carry pan crust in medium. The pans themselves are medium size. There is no way for us to make a large pan pizza. You can get a medium pan for [amount].”

Customer: “I don’t want a medium; I want a large.”

Me: “Well, here are the crusts available in large: hand tossed, Brooklyn style, or crunchy thin.”

Customer: “Hand tossed, I suppose.”

Me: “All right. What else can I get for you? Drinks? Sides? Desserts?”

Customer: “I want a two-liter [Brand #1 Soda] and 14-piece hot wings.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only carry [Brand #2 Soda] products.”

Customer: “Well, Jeezus, can’t you people ever satisfy anyone?! You are not good at your job at all. I want regular [Brand #2 Soda] and make sure to send peppers and parmesan cheese with the driver.”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have to charge for the parmesan now because it comes in a larger shaker container.”

Customer: “This is such bull-s***! I call you expecting good customer service and I bet you were even going to charge me for the delivery weren’t you!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Our delivery charge is $2.99 and the cost goes to our insurance company to help protect our drivers on the road. None of the $2.99 goes to the driver.”

Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m never ordering from here again. I’m going to have you boycotted into bankruptcy. Then you’ll see.”

Me: “All right, ma’am. So, are you canceling your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Well, I apologize for any inconvenience and I do hope you have a great day.”

Customer: “F*** you, you piece of s***!” *hangs up*

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(It’s the mid-90s, and I am working at a pizza place at the front (phones and register), on a busy Monday night. There are four employees, as Mondays are not usually busy, so I am manning the front by myself. Normally, the phone greeting is “Thank you for calling Pizza Place. This is My Name. How can I help you?”… except this one time.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can you help me?”

(I saw the other employees look at me. It took me a while to realize what I said. Fortunately, the caller had a sense of humor as I explained it was busy and I was manning the phones and register by myself.)