(I work at a franchise pizza restaurant in my home town. It is a strictly delivery/carry-out place, and we tend to get pretty busy towards the end of the week. I usually work at the cut table, which is in full view of the counter. A particularly peeved looking customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hey! Somebody help me here; I’m already late!”

Manager: “So sorry, sir. I’ll be right with you.”

(He rings him up, and informs him his pizza will be ready momentarily. The customer huffs and stands by the wall to wait. I’m quickly and efficiently working the cut table, trying to keep up with two ovens. I come to the customer ‘s order.)

Me: *goes through the usual motions and then finds that the pizza is stuck to the pan* “Oh, no.”

(I frantically separate the pizza from the pan to keep up with the other orders and wind up destroying it in the process. I flip the pizza into the box and immediately yell for a remake. The customer, who saw me the entire time, yells for the manager.)

Manager: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “I saw that employee cutting my pizza. He’s got a real attitude problem! He got angry, destroyed my pizza, and threw it in a box! I demand you have him reprimanded.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. He wasn’t getting angry. Your pizza was stuck to the pan and he did the best he could with what he had while trying to keep up with the volume of orders still coming out of the ovens. We’re remaking your pizza as you speak. I can give you a store credit for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I…”

(He continues to be irrational and abusive. At this point, a few of my coworkers I’m good friends with listen in while waiting on their deliveries.)

Me: “How are we coming with that re-make?”

Coworker: “It’s in the oven!”

(Eventually we get him the re-make. He walks out, then comes back in, whereupon he demands the original as well. The manager, sick of dealing with him, agrees. He finally leaves for real.)

Me: *flips off the door*

Coworker #1: “Prick!”

Coworker #2: *gives the universal “up yours” gesture*

Manager: *turns around, sees all of us* “Good riddance! [My Name], you did what you could. That guy had no right to accuse you like that.”

Coworker #1: *lightly punches my arm* “Although you need to work on your attitude problem, mister!”

(We all laughed and continued working. We never saw that customer again.)

(I have just finished delivering a pizza to an apartment complex and am walking back to my car when I pass a little boy, no older then four, and his mother when this happens.)

Little Boy: “Bye, pizza lady. I love you!”

Me: *laughing* “I don’t think it’s me you love. It’s the pizza!”

(This has been a pretty busy night and we’re short-staffed so our phone lines are starting to back up.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking for someone to answer the d*** phone.”

Me: “I’m sor—”

Customer: “You need to tell me what store delivers to [Nearby Municipality].”

Me: “Oh, tha—”

Customer: “Their phone number is what? [correct first three numbers]…”

Me: “Tw—”

Customer: “[correct last four numbers]?”

Me: “Uh… yes, sir…?”

Customer: “Ugh, whatever. Thanks for nothing.” *click*

(I am the assistant manager of a pizzeria. For training purposes, I call the carry-out line during slow times, especially five minutes to close, since we serve up to close. As you can imagine this is also fun for me. This has been a very busy night for us and I am currently in the office, on my cell phone, just around the corner from the store’s phones.)

New Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Location]. What can I get for you today?”

Me: *in an overly exaggerated accent* “Howdy, ma’am. I got sort of an unexpected party here and I need a few pizzas.”

New Coworker: “A few?” *I could almost hear her becoming worried* “How many would you like?”

Me: *in accent* “Oh, not many. Say, maybe 20 or 25.”

New Coworker: “O… kay, could you hold just a moment? I need to check something.”

Me: *in accent* “Sure.”

(I hear New Coworker asking for me so I stand and put the cell behind my back.)

New Coworker: “[My Name], I have a man on the phone who wants several pizzas.”

Me: “Okay, we have more dough ready and can do a few. How many?”

New Coworker: “Like 20 or more!”

Me: “All right, take the order.”

New Coworker: “I figured we might be out or closed or something.” *which by now we would be closed, but the call would show before close*

Me: “We got the call and we have enough product to make the order. We have to take the order.”

New Coworker: *looking deflated* “Okay.”

(New Coworker goes back to the phone.)

New Coworker: “All right, sir, I am ready to take your order.”

(I have now walked up and stand literally three steps behind her.)

Me: *in accent* “I need five pizzas to be with everything. Another five, to be just veggie but with no jalapeños. Another five in the taco style, and the last five will be difficult.”

New Coworker: “Okay, sir, hold just a moment.”

(I have my cell to my ear as she turns to me.)

New Coworker: “Are you sure, because they are ordering many toppings and some with difficult instructions.”

Me: “We have to take the order. No exceptions unless we are out and we are not.”

New Coworker: *sighs, but nods acceptingly, then turns back to the phone* “All right, sir, what is the rest of your order?”

Me: *in accent, while facing her* “On the last five I need double onions and anchovies.”

(The look on her face was priceless. She was one our best workers and helped me do many last minute orders, with no complaint.)

(I was at a pizza buffet that makes specialty pizzas when I heard another customer ask an employee what kind of pizza one of the choices was.)

Employee: “It’s a BLT, but I don’t know what that means.”

Me: “BLT is bacon, lettuce, tomato.”

Employee: “Really? I never knew that!”

(She went back to the kitchen saying:)

Employee: “Hey, guys, a BLT is bacon, lettuce, tomato!”

(My husband and in-laws got a good laugh when I told them.)