(I’m on a first date with somebody I’ve hung out with before as a part of a group, so we really don’t know each other well. He decides to go with a traditional ‘dinner and a movie’ date. There are some awkward moments during dinner, which we both point out. This happens at the movie theater, right before the movie starts.)

Him: “So… how do you feel about the awkward hand over the shoulder thing?”

(Silence…)

Him: “… Probably not now, huh?”

Me: “Yeah, probably not now.”

Him: “Well, I’m okay with the status quo, too. Plus it gets uncomfortable after a while when my arm goes to sleep.”

(We didn’t speak again until the credits.)

(I’m working behind concessions. We’re an independent theater so we offer beer and wine along with the usual items.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I have a [Beer], please?”

(I usually try to figure out if I need to ask for ID by seeing if they have grey hair or any kind of age marks, but this guy has a shaved head and a fairly youthful face.)

Me: “Okay. Can I see some ID please?”

(The guy pulls out his wallet. That’s when I spot his badge. My eyes go wide.)

Customer: “I’m glad you asked. I didn’t want to have to arrest you.”

(He pays for his beer and goes off to his movie. To this day, I’m not completely sure if he was kidding about arresting me.)

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(I’m with my friends at the movies. As I’m looking at the featured attractions I can’t help but frown as most of the movies only have a 3D version and no normal version.)

Me: “I wish that they would at least have non-3D versions of all the movies playing, too. My dad wants to see a lot of them but can’t enjoy them because of the 3D.”

Moviegoer: *in front of us looks to me and sneers* “Your dad needs to get with the times. If he HATES 3D movies then he should just wait for the DVD release then and stop his moaning. But he just hates it because it ‘new and hip.’ And why should you complain? You a daddy’s girl? Gotta protect your daddy?”

Me: “Excuse you. I never said he hated 3D—”

Moviegoer: “Then why wouldn’t he want to go, huh?!”

Me: “Because, jerk, he’s blind in his left eye. The 3D effects do nothing for him—”

Moviegoer: “Tch! The glasses—”

Me: “THOSE glasses don’t work either! It just makes the movie darker for him and if he takes them off it’s all blurry because of the 3D effect.”

Moviegoer: “But—”

Me: “And I NEVER said he hated them. He will still go and see them, but they’re not as fun for him.”

Moviegoer: “Uh—”

Me: “So next time you assume that just because somebody is older than you and may not like something; it’s not because they’re old and can’t ‘move with the times.’ It could be a legit problem, d***. Now, if you’ll excuse us, YOU’RE in our way. Move it!”

Moviegoer: *goes red and scurries away*

Friend: “You know… I wanted to smack him so hard… but I think you smacking him down like that was much better.”

(A friend of mine and I are in the cinema while the coming attractions are running. In the row before ours, there are a couple of cute girls, which I know will mean my friend will make a fool of himself sooner or later. Following the ice cream ad, the ice cream lady comes around.)

Ice Cream Lady: “Do you want some ice cream?”

My Friend: “No, I’m going to lick something else later.”

(The girls in front of us fall abruptly silent as they hear it, and I have had enough.)

Me: “Stop bragging. You’re not flexible enough!”

(The girls start laughing while my friend curses my guts!)

(I am making popcorn when I see a customer approach the concessions stand and turn around. I am not sure if she needs anything, but I acknowledge her anyway.)

Me: “Hi there! I’ll be right with you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t need you. I mean, I love you, but I don’t need you.”

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