Stop The Presses

, , | Right | June 16, 2009

(I am working on the theater’s ticket-selling system. It prints every ticket using a thermal printer, on paper that gets black in spots where it is heated. A customer comes in with a completely black ticket.)

Customer: “I want this ticket replaced! What kind of tickets do you sell?! I can’t see anything on it!”

Me: “I’m sure we didn’t give you this ticket in this poor state. What happened to it?”

Customer: “It got all bent in my purse and looked ugly, so I ironed it.”

Me: “But ma’am, this ticket is printed on a thermal paper. It gets black when heated, so–”

Customer: “You should’ve warned me that I can’t iron the ticket!”

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Baby On Board; Mother, Not So Much

, , | Right | May 30, 2009

(A woman comes up to our movie theater with four small girls and a baby in a carrier.)

Customer: “Hi, four children and one adult to Hannah Montana, please.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $32.00.”

Customer: *rummages around in her purse* “Oh, shoot! I’ve forgotten my wallet in the car. I’ll be right back.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Customer: “Girls, you stay here with the nice lady…” *looks at me* “Should I leave the baby here, or take it with me?”

Me: “Ma’am, please take your infant with you!”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Girls, be good!”

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Snakes On A Plane…And In The Next Seat Over

, , | Right | May 28, 2009

(This man comes to the movie theater with a live snake wrapped around his neck. This is the exchange that takes place.)

Coworker: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Movie Theater]– Is that a snake?!”

(Every customer in the lobby that can hear my coworker scampers away.)

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Coworker: *shrinking back in fear* “I’m sorry, sir, but company policy prohibits any animals other than seeing-eye animals.”

Customer: “The snake is a seeing-eye animal.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back without the snake. It’s upsetting the other guests.”

Customer: “FINE! I didn’t want to see the stupid movie anyway!” *stomps away*


This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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Either Way, Someone’s Wearing Diapers

, , , | Right | April 16, 2009

(I’m selling movie theater tickets to a couple that’s obviously in their 30s or 40s.)

Me: “So for two adults, the total is $19.”

Male Customer: “Can’t we get a discount? She’s a senior! How old do you have to be to be a senior?”

Me: “She has to be 60 to be a senior.”

Male Customer: “She’s 59 and a half! Can we get a discount?”

(It’s a slow day, so I oblige.)

Me: “Well… all right. How about $16.50?”

Male Customer: “Awesome, you’re the best! So you gave her the senior ticket, right?”

Me: “No, sir, I gave you a child.”

Female Customer: *laughs* “Thank you! You’ve definitely got him figured out!”

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Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart

, , , | Right | April 10, 2009

(I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [Charity] today?”

Customer: “Well, let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled forty hours per week.”

Customer: “Oh, really? Where?”

Coworker: “Here.”

Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”

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