Taking The Two Out Of Together

| Romantic | October 12, 2011

(Due to employment incentives, for the past few years my father has lived in another town and came home on the weekends. After retiring, he moved back home with my mom. Shortly after, I get a call from my mom, who works full time as a professor.)

Me: “Hi mom, what’s up–”

Mom: “Your father is driving me crazy!”

Me: “So, what did he do?”

Mom: “I was leaving for work, and…”

Me: “What did he do?”

Mom: *angrily “He asked me what I wanted for dinner!”

Me: “The nerve of him.”

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Taking The Man Out Of Wo-Man

| Romantic | October 12, 2011

(I’m at home with my boyfriend, watching a football match.)

Me: “That referee is really ruthless.”

Boyfriend: “Well it’s like Heidi Klum would say on Project Runway: You’re eizer een, or you’re out.”

Me: “Dear Lord, I’ve turned you!”

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Kiss And Throw Up

| Romantic | October 10, 2011

(I am visiting my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in months. We are spending our time kissing when he pulls back and smiles at me. I notice that he has spinach in his teeth.)

Me: “You have spinach in your teeth!”

Boyfriend: “Shhh. Say it with a kiss…” *leans in to continue kissing me*

Me: *laughs hysterically*

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Welcome To The Comfortable Phase

| Romantic | October 7, 2011

(Shortly after Valentine’s Day, my friend and I are visiting our boyfriends who happen to be roommates. Our boyfriends walk in together after sharing a ride home.)

Friend’s boyfriend: “Here, honey. Happy Valentine’s Day!”

(My friend’s boyfriend gallantly hands my friend a box of chocolates.)

My friend: *grins wildly at her boyfriend*

My boyfriend: “Hey. I picked us up some cheap chocolates.”

(My boyfriend tosses me the exact same box of chocolates my friend’s boyfriend handed her.)

My friend and her boyfriend: *awkward silence*

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Her Bark Is Worse Than Her Bite

, | Romantic | October 6, 2011

(I am staying over at my cousin’s house when he receives a phone call from a telemarketer.)

Cousin: “Security system? No, no. Listen, I have two dogs and my wife. I have more than enough home security.” *hangs up*

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