(I am drinking with my friends in a recently finished basement at Friend #1’s house. The carpet is white and brand new. We have all had our fair share of drinks at this point of the evening and are sitting on the floor playing a card game. Friend #2 spills her beer all over the carpet.)

Me: “Oh, no! Quick, someone grab some towels!”

Friend #1: “My parents are going to kill me if this stains.”

(I get some towels and start soaking up the spilled beverage. Friend #2 knocks me out of the way.)

Friend #2: “No, no, no! The carpet needs to be buzzed!”

(She proceeds to not only rub in the spilled alcohol with her hands into the carpet, but actually pours more beer on it. She then proceeds to pass out a few minutes later and we are able to clean up the spill.)

Friend #1: “Well, at least we got that taken care of, I just hope the carpet doesn’t have a hangover in the morning.”

(My boyfriend is 6’9”, while I am barely five feet tall. He has to get up early for work, and he usually doesn’t turn on the light so as not to disturb me. One morning I’m woken by a very loud ripping noise.)

Me: *alarmed* “What was that?!”

Boyfriend: “These pants must have shrunk in the wash. They’re way too small.”

Me: “What pants?”

(I turn on the lamp and see my boyfriend holding a pair of ripped jeans. It takes only a moment to realize what’s happened.)

Me: “[Boyfriend]… those are my pants.”

Boyfriend: “… Oh. F***!”

(Me and my boyfriend have a interesting relationship, I refer to him as ‘My Pet,’ and we are also nerds to say the least. We are having a conversation over IM.)

Me: “I realized today, I am very much like a female Loki…”

Boyfriend: “Yes, you are.”

Me: “I like how you just agreed. I am a female Loki.”

Boyfriend: “I agree… with zero contest. I was about to say “except for the bowing part… Oh, wait…”

Me: “Yes. Bow to me, you peon.”

Boyfriend: “I shall, Mistress.”

(My fiancé is making dinner when I wander through the kitchen. We both have fairly deadpan senses of humor and enjoy saying outlandish things.)

Me: “Oh, hey. I found these in your pants sorting the laundry.”

(I toss a few folded single dollar bills to him.)

Me: “You got those stripping, didn’t you?”

Fiancé: “Yes, I got those stripping. I got all the money through stripping. I did all of the stripping.”

Me: “I dunno. There’s not a lot there. You must not be a very good stripper.”

Fiancé: *with great dignity* “I. Am an EXCELLENT. Stripper.”

(My boyfriend makes incredible coffee that I’m obsessed with. I won’t drink any other coffee anymore. He makes us mochas by making his coffee and pouring it onto an expensive brand of chocolate truffles. I taste it, and put it down.)

Boyfriend: “So do you like it?”

Me: “Put your mug down.”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Put it down.”

Boyfriend: *puts mug down*

Me: *take Boyfriend’s hand in mine* “Will you marry me?”