(Although I get excellent marks at school, I find the work too easy and I’m often bored. I am sitting a maths exam. I answer all the questions until I get to this one.)

Question: “David is in a hotel and wants to go skiing. His skis are two metres long, and the doorway of his room is 1.8m high and 0.5m wide. Will he be able to get his skis through the doorway?

(I do the calculations and write down the answer.)

Me: “According to the Pythagorean theorem, no, David will not be able to get his skis through the doorway.”

(I finish the test, but I’ve still got a long time before my time is up and I’m bored, so I decide to have a bit of fun. I go back to the ski question and add a sentence to my answer.)

Me: “But if David really wants to go skiing, he can always walk through the door holding his skis horizontally.”

(I hand in the test. Several weeks later, we get the results back.)

Student #1: “Hey, I got the answer right on the skis question, but I only got half the points!”

Student #2: “Me, too!”

Me: “That’s funny. I got all the points.”

Student #1: “[Teacher], that’s not fair! How come [My Name] got all the points and we didn’t?”

Teacher: “Because she was the only one to figure out that it’s possible to hold skis horizontally!”

(I’m in English class and have just received my graded essay from my teacher. The essay is written in present tense, but I notice my teacher has written ‘verb tense consistency’ above the word ‘has.’)

Me: “Mrs. [Teacher], my essay is written present tense, like I was supposed to. What is the problem with my verb tense here?

Teacher: “Oh, well before you were writing in present tense, then you switched to past tense here, and then went back to present. You have to be consistent.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but which verb is written in past tense?”

Teacher: “Right here! ‘Has’ is past tense.”

Me: “‘Had’ would be past tense, but I wrote ‘has,’ which is present tense. Am I missing something?”

Teacher: *pauses* “Well, I guess it can be present tense, but sometimes it’s past tense. I didn’t take points off for it, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

(Three teenage male students are gathered around a computer. I am their teacher, sitting a few seats away from them.)

Boy #1: “Hey man, check these out! Those are NICE. Do you think they are real or fake?”

Boy #2: “Oh, yeah, Those are fake, though. They gotta be. No way those are real.”

Boy #3: “Yeah, you can tell just by the way they look. Those are fake, for sure.”

Me: *spins around, yelling* “WHAT are you boys looking at over there?!”

All Three Boys: *with innocent faces and sounding really confused* “Shoes! Nike Jordans online! Why?!”

Me: *puts head down on the desk, laughing*

All Three Boys: “What, miss? What? What’s so funny?”

(My mother has been fighting with cancer for over a year, and I am pretty worn out from going to school, working part time, and helping take care of her. I am worn utterly thin.)

Me: “Sorry I’m late, guys.”

Friend: “Where have you been?”

Me: “I was calling mom. She’s having a rough time, and I might have to skip drama practice.”

Friend: “Ugh. I can’t stand how negative you are all the time. You’re letting this ruin your life.”

Me: “… Okay?”

(We are doing an experiment in chemistry where we burn a sample of an element and note the color of the flame.)

Student #1: *lights the element* “It is… orange.”

Student #2: “We can’t write orange again. What’s another adjective?”

Student #1: “Orange… juice?”

Student #2: “That actually kind of works.”

(The flame was a pale yellow-orange, and, apparently, that description actually worked.)