Parlez-snooze Francais

| USA | Learning | May 5, 2013

(I’m a French teacher at a high school. There’s a girl who is notoriously late for class and when she does come, she goes straight to sleep. Strangely, her work is always done and she aces her tests so I let her be until this exchange occurs.)

Me: “Bonjour.”

Students: “Bonjour, Madame.”

(I begin taking attendance and the girl slips into the room and into her desk, mumbling a quick “Bonjour” as she passes me.)

Me: “Today we’re going to be splitting up into groups and reading the first section of the novel and—”

Girl: “Madame, I have a slight problem.”

Me: “Yes?”

Girl: *in French* “I hate all of my classmates.”

Me: “You know this is a French III class, right?”

Girl: “I guarantee you that nobody in this room aside from you understood me.”

Me: *in French* “Class, what did Mademoiselle [name] say?”

(There’s an awkward pause and some whispering but nobody volunteers an answer so I repeat my question in English. Once again there’s nothing.)

Me: “How do you guys do your work?”

Boy: “A translator.”

Me: *to girl* “Work by yourself, dear.”

(After that I moved her into a higher French class that actually wanted to learn. She never fell asleep in my class again.)

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This Student Has A Singular Mind

| MI, USA | Learning | April 30, 2013

Student #1: “So, what if I opened this window and an eagle flew onto my arm?”

Student #2: “Yeah! You could name it Charles!”

Student #3: “Actually, that would be two eagles.”

(Students #1 and #2 look at her blankly.)

Student #3: “Because ‘Charles’ is plural.”

Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

| Illinois, USA | Learning | April 28, 2013

(I am a high school science teacher giving a lesson on evolution.)

Me: “So, the only bodily fluids that can transmit HIV include blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk.”

Female Student: *grabs her breast* “Hey, how does that work anyway? How does milk get in these?”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?”

Female Student: “No.”

Me: “You make it.”

Female Student: “What?! We make milk?!”

Me: “Yeah. We’re mammals.”

Male Student: *bewildered* “Wow. Just… wow.”

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He’s A Cultural Geicon

| USA | Learning | April 26, 2013

(We’re talking about food chains in biology class.)

Girl #1: “Wait, what’s a gecko?”

Girl #2: “You know the lizard from the Geico commercials?”

Girl #1: *annoyed* “No, that’s a Geico!”

Appropriate Applications Of Apathy

, | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Learning | April 23, 2013

Teacher: “[Student], what does ‘me da igua’ mean?”

Student: “I don’t care.”

Teacher: “Good job!”

Student: “That was actually correct? Because I really don’t care.”

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