Those Who Can’t, Cheat

| Lebanon, TN, USA | Learning | May 24, 2013

(I am in high school and am in honors classes. I have a teacher who doesn’t like me and for one reason or another does not think I deserve to be in the class. I’m about to leave when she calls me to her desk.)

Teacher: “[My name], I have some concerns about you.”

Me: *confused* “Okay…”

Teacher: “It appears that a couple of the people around you have the exact same answers as you, and I can tell you’re copying them.”

Me: “Wait, what?! You think I’M copying THEM! That’s not—”

Teacher: “I want to you cease or I’m going to fail you and have you kicked from honors immediately.”

Me: “Okay, no. Why do you assume I’m the one cheating? How do you know they aren’t copying me?”

Teacher: “Because I questioned them and they told me so. Besides, they’re better than that and smarter to—”

Me: “Hold it right there. First off, where do you get the right to think someone’s smarter? There are different types of intelligences. Second, I do not, nor have I ever, cheated. If anyone’s doing it, it’s them.”

Teacher: “I don’t believe you. I’m not fond of your tone and I don’t appreciate liars.”

Me: “Fine. Let’s make a deal. I’m going to prove I’m not the one cheating. My next test, I’m going to score exactly a five. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less; and when the other people around me have the same answers and flunk miserably, I want to come back later that day and retake my test, got it?”

Teacher: “Fine. Whatever. But when they don’t fail, you’re keeping your grade!”

(Sure enough, next test, two of the people around me had a score of five. While the teacher did let me retake the test, which I got a 100/100 on by the way, I never received an apology, and the other kids weren’t kicked out like she’d threatened to do to me because she liked them more.)

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Make Sure You Can-non Draw

| Brooksville, FL, USA | Learning | May 24, 2013

(I have just gotten my twin brother transferred into my history class because his was making him want to drop out. It’s his first day and the teacher is going over the US Civil War.)

Teacher: “… and the field artillery used cannons to help support the infantry and cavalry forces in the field. Let me show you what a cannon looks like.”

(He goes over to the board and begins to draw a simple cannon. First he draws the wheel and then draws the chase of the cannon, but realizes it looks quite phallic. He quickly erases it with his hand.)

Teacher: “On second thought, you guys are old enough to know what a cannon is.”

Classmates: “No, no [teacher]! We don’t know. Please continue drawing it!”

(He turns to the class and gives us all that “look” as we are all grinning from ear to ear and laughing.)

Brother: “[My name], this is the best class ever.”

Gato Got Your Tongue

| CA, USA | Learning | May 23, 2013

(I’m in my third year Spanish class. The class consists of all white students except for one Hispanic male. We just received our most recent exam back and we’re asking around to see how we all did.)

Me: “How’d you do [hispanic student]?

Hispanic Student: “Another D. That’s like my fourth in a row.”

Student #1: “Are you kidding me?! You of all people should be doing well in this class. It’s your native tongue! How do you not have a good grade?”

Student #2: “Hey [Student #1], aren’t you failing English?”

(Student #1 turns bright red and stays silent the rest of the class. The teacher gives Student #2 a high five.)

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Mistakes Like This Can Give The School A Bad Name

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Learning | May 23, 2013

(I’m in English class and a woman I’ve never seen before pokes her head in and asks for me by my first name. I’ve never, ever been called out of class before, so I’m very puzzled. She walks me to an outside picnic table without a word and once we sit she tells me she’s the school nurse.)

Nurse: “So [my name], do you know why I wanted to talk to you today?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “Well, you see, we’ve been getting some reports from some of your friends who are worried about you. Now I don’t want to upset you! And please know you’re not in trouble or anything.”

Me: *worried* “Okay…”

Nurse: “I know this isn’t something that’s easy to talk about, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but it’s important. What I wanted to discuss with you… is, well… is your bulimia.”

Me: “…my WHAT?”

(I’ve never had any kind of eating disorder. The nurse notices my reaction and squints at me.)

Nurse: “Do I have the right [my name]?”

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You Need To 86 That Shirt

| Poland | Learning | May 21, 2013

(I’m studying to become an English teacher. I have to teach in high school for 60 hours. Most of the students are only four years younger than me, and almost all of them are female. Usually there is a teacher with us in a room, but she has two classes at the same time, so I am covering one and while she covers the other. Note: I’m a male.)

Me: “Any questions?”

Female Student: “Yes!”

Me: “Very well then; what is it?”

Female Student: “Do you, um… like sixty-nine?”

(I am so shocked by this question that I am speechless. The whole class begins laughing.)

Me: “Where did that come from?”

Female Student: “Well… you have the number on your t-shirt.”

(I look down and realize I’m wearing a t-shirt with big text that says “I <3 69" on it.)

Me: “Oh, that…” *blushes* “Um… yeah, it’s just a joke, you know.”

Female Student: “Too bad. I’ve got a free evening.”

(I continued the lesson and somehow came through with it. However, every time I had to teach this class, both the girl and the teacher had major problems with keeping straight faces.)

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