(I am a customer in a popular chain haircut place in a strip mall near my home when a customer walks in…)
Customer: “Do y’all do hair?”
Employee #1: *holding my hair, and a pair of scissors* “Yes. Yes, we do.”
Employee #2: *under her breath* “No, we just do oil changes here. Pull your car around back…”
(I’m the idiot in this one. I go to the local traffic department to renew the vehicle license. This comes in the form of a round paper disc – about four inch diameter – which affixes to the windscreen, but is printed on an A4 sheet. Having time before my next appointment, I go to the barber’s for a haircut. There is a queue, so I am thinking that I can cut out the license disc while I am waiting…)
Me: “Excuse me, do you have any scissors here?”
(Cue hysterical laughter from all patrons and staff.)
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(I’m listening to music and on my laptop at a hair salon while I wait for my grandmother’s hair to finish. A woman I’ve never met before but who seems friendly comes in and sits next to me to wait for her appointment. She decides to make friendly conversation.)
Woman: “So what’s that on your computer screen?”
(She points to video game character I have an image of on my desktop.)
Me: “The Angel of Death.”
Woman: “What’s on your shirt?”
(She points to my T-shirt which has one of my favorite metal bands on it.)
Me: “The Angel of Vengeance.”
Woman: “What song are you listening to?”
Me: “Wish I Had An Angel”.
Woman: “Wow. I guess you really like angels.”
(I’m getting my haircut by Barber #1. Barber #2 is nearby drinking tea as there are no other customers in the shop. Barber #1 and I are talking about the ‘Back to the Future’ trilogy, especially as it is now 2015, the year that Marty and Doc visit in ‘Back to the Future Part II.’)
Me: “Shame, we won’t have our hoverboards this year.”
Barber #1: “I know! But…”
Barber #2: “Is that really hairy guy still in it?”
(Blank looks.)
Barber #2: “You know; the one with hair everywhere?”
Me: “Do you mean Doc? Yeah, he’s been in all of them.”
Barber #2: “No, the really hairy one. You know…” *makes Wookie noise*
Me: “Um, Chewbacca? I think he’s going to be in the new Star Wars film this year.”
Barber #1: “But we weren’t talking about them. We were talking about Back to the Future.”
Barber #2: “Were you? Oh, okay.”
Me: *to Barber #1* “I know Doc Brown’s hair is wild, but to confuse him with Chewbacca…”
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(I am a teenage girl. Over the summer and on school breaks, I work part-time as a receptionist in a hair salon run by a family friend in a Jersey Shore resort town. It is a slow Thursday morning in early September when the phone rings. I stop folding towels to answer it.)
Me: “[Salon], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”
Caller: “I would like to lodge a formal complaint.”
(We have no protocols for formal complaints. We are a tiny salon and our clientele are mostly friends of my boss and locals.)
Me: “All right, how can I help you?”
Caller: “My son, [Name], was booked for an appointment this morning at 8:30 and the shop wasn’t open yet!”
(My boss sometimes comes in a little late, but our limited clientele are very understanding. Obviously, this woman isn’t.)
Me: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. Would you like to reschedule your son’s appointment?”
Caller: *ignoring me* “I just don’t understand why you would book us for an appointment when no one is going to be there! My son walked there by himself very early in the morning, and it’s very dangerous on the roads!”
Me: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. We have open times this afternoon if you’d like to reschedule [Name]’s appointment.”
Caller: “MY SON IS THREE YEARS OLD! HE SHOULDN’T BE THERE IF NO ONE ELSE IS!”
Me: “If your son is three years old, why did he walk across dangerous, heavily-trafficked roads by himself?”
Caller: “HOW DARE YOU, YOU LITTLE B****! I HOPE YOU DIE!” *click*
