Two Much Information

| Right | June 21, 2012

(I’m a barber and I’ve just returned from my 15-minute lunch break. A customer that refuses to allow any of the other barbers in the shop work on his hair is waiting for me. He looks rather disturbed about something—almost frightened.)

Customer: “Thank goodness you’re here. What took you so long?!”

Me: “Um, I took a fifteen minute lunch, sir. It’s not that long.”

Customer: “Well, I had to use the bathroom! So, I went to the fast food restaurant down the road.”

Me: “Okay, although our bathroom is perfectly operational.”

Customer: “The man in the bathroom at the restaurant wouldn’t get out of the stall, so I had to use the urinal.”

Me: “Okay, but why are you telling me this?’

Customer: “It was diarrhea, though, so it flushed down well enough!”

Me: “Thank you…for not using our bathroom. And please, don’t share bathroom stories with me again.”

Customer: “Don’t tell anyone what I did!”


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Short Hair For The Short Fused

| Right | July 15, 2011

(A girl walks into our hair salon and makes a strange request for her boyfriend’s appointment.)

Customer: “Can you cut it shorter than he says you should? He’ll demand he doesn’t have to pay, but I’ll just pay in advance.”

Me: “You have to go through all this just to get his hair shorter?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not about the short hair. I just think it’s hot when he throws a fit.”

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Snobbery Just Won’t Cut It

| Right | June 9, 2011

(I am having my hair done in a salon that is just off a very busy shopping street. It is just after 4:30 in the afternoon, when a woman breezes in, carrying a lot of shopping bags.)

Client: “Hello! I have an appointment with [stylist].”

Receptionist: “Do you? I think his client is already here. Can I get your name?”

Client: “It is [name].”

Receptionist: “Ah, I see why there’s some confusion. Your appointment was for 2:00 this afternoon.”

Client: “Yes!”

Receptionist: “And it’s 4:30 now.”

Client: “Yes!”

Receptionist: “So, you’re a bit late.”

Client: “But, he knew I was going to be late!”

Receptionist: “Oh, sorry. Did you ring to let him know?”

Client: “No, but he should have known.”

Receptionist: “Sorry, how should he have known?”

Client: “He knows how beautiful I am, and there are all sorts of sales going on right now. You shouldn’t have your salon here if you don’t know that beautiful people, like me, are going to need to buy things for the summer! I mean, really!”

Receptionist: “I’m very sorry, but your appointment time has passed. Maybe you can wait? [Stylist] is with another client right now.”

(She points to me.)

Client: *suddenly very angry* “Her? But she’s so ugly! It won’t make any difference if she has her hair done. Beautiful people should have their hair done first! The ugly ones should wait!”

(She approaches my chair and tries to remove the foil for my highlights.)

Receptionist: “Madam, I’m going to have to ask you to leave right now. You can’t speak to other clients like that!”

(The woman continues trying to pull me out of the chair. She is hustled out of the salon by a group of stylists and customers, leaving all her bags behind.)

Client: *going out the door* “The ugly ones should waaaaaait!”

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Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 2

, , | Right | May 16, 2011

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I had my hair done with you, and I’m not happy.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry about that. What appears to be the problem? I’d love to help you.”

Customer: “Well, I had blonde highlights, but it’s just gone very dark at the roots.”

(I take the customer’s name and have a look at her record.)

Me: “It says your last visit was four months ago.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Related:
Getting To The Root Of The Problem

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No Short Cuts In Private School

| Right | December 22, 2010

(I am having my hair done and over hearing a conversation between a mother, her daughter and the hairdresser.)

Hairdresser: “Oh dear…sweetie.”

Child: “What is it?”

Hairdresser: “I’m afraid I can’t cut your hair today.” *to the mother* “Excuse me ma’am?”

(The mother ignores the hairdresser and talks on her mobile phone.)

Hairdresser: “Excuse me.”

(Mother continues to ignore her.)

Hairdresser: “Ma’am!”

Mother: “What!? Can’t you see I am on the phone?”

Hairdresser: “I am sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t cut your daughter’s hair.”

Mother: “What do you mean you can’t cut my daughter’s hair?”

Hairdresser: “I’m very sorry, but it is against store policy to cut anybody’s hair if they have lice.”

Mother: “Lice!? She can’t have lice! She goes to a private school!”

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