(I’m the night supervisor at a supermarket. I’m in my 20s but look younger than I am.)

Customer: “I have wine here. You’ll need to call your supervisor.”

Me: “That’s okay, ma’am. I am the supervisor on duty tonight.”

Customer: “Really? Surely you have to be old enough to drink it before you can sell it.”

Me: “Well, yes. But I am old enough to drink and have been for a few years now.”

Customer: “No, you haven’t. You look like a child.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you. I’m in my 20s. But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

(The customer begins to rant about child labour laws.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night.”

Customer: “GO TO BED!”

(I work at a grocery store. I have just finished ringing up a customer who bought a few food items and some plants.)

Me: “Okay. That will be [amount].”

Customer: “Do you think I should get paper or plastic for my plant?”

Me: “Either one will work, ma’am. Which one would you prefer?”

Customer: “You’re just a sourpuss. Aren’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry. What are you saying?”

Customer: “You’re such a sourpuss. I just asked you a simple question. You’re being so rude to me!”

(The customer grunts and walks over to the customer service desk. I overhear her talking to my manager.)

Customer: “That girl over there is a SOURPUSS! A SOURPUSS, I TELL YOU!”

(The manager comes back and delivers the items to the customer. She walks out the door with a sneer on her face.)

Customer: *screaming as she leaves* “SOURPUSS!”

(I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

Me: “Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

(I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

(We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

(I am checking out a customer.)

Me: “Hello! How are you doing today?”

(The customer just mumbles something. I am scanning his groceries. I am almost finished when he says something to me.)

Customer: “Grab me a couple of sneakers back there.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “Get me two sneakers from over there!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I do not understand what you are asking for.”

Customer: “Are you stupid or deaf? A COUPLE D*** SNEAKERS! RIGHT BEHIND YOU! JESUS CHRIST!”

Me: “Sir, there is no need to take that tone with me, as I am neither deaf or stupid.”

(The customer is getting furious with me. The next customer behind him in line tries to clarify the misunderstanding.)

Next Customer: “I think he’s asking for SNICKERS Candy Bars.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get them for you.”

Customer: “Never mind! If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what I am asking for, what the h*** are you doing workin’ with customers?!”

Me: “Sir, I apologized for not understanding you. But you can not and will not talk to me in that foul manner. There are children around. Even if there weren’t, you should never speak to anyone like that. That is completely uncalled for!”

Customer: “F*** you! Give me my d*** change!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(He finally gets his things and leaves. The next customer steps up.)

Next Customer: “I didn’t understand him at first. I thought he was asking for a d*** pair of shoes!” *laughs*

(We have a coworker who keeps getting obscene, prank calls. One day I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *muttering* “You can f*** me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Could you please repeat that?”

Caller: “I said, you can F*** ME!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that over the phone. You’ll have to come into the store. Or perhaps you’d like to involve my husband for a threesome?”

Caller: *hangs up*

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