(I work in the wine department of a small grocery store. We will sometimes get customers with very little wine knowledge.)

Customer: *holding up a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a red wine* “Is this a white wine?”

Me: “That’s a red wine, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, it’s a white wine?”

Me: “No, that is a red wine.”

Customer: “So, it’s a white wine?”

Me: “No, ma’am, all Cabernet Sauvignon wines are RED wines.”

(Customer turned and headed to our registers, with the bottle of Cabernet. I hope she did not need a white wine.)

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(It is about two weeks after “Guardians Of The Galaxy” has hit theaters. I’ve wanted to see it but haven’t had a chance. A customer comes through my line with a shirt picturing the characters from the movie.)

Me: *grins* “I like your shirt!”

Customer: “Yeah! Have you seen it yet?”

Me: “No, I haven’t had a chance to go yet.”

Customer: “Go see it right now.”

Me: *laughs* “I’ll get right on that.”

Customer: “No, seriously. Close your lane, leave work right now, and go see that movie.”

Me: *more laughing* “I really wish I could! I’ll see it first chance I get.”

Customer: “Hey, the customer is always right, right? Tell your boss that the customer said you have to leave and go see a movie!”

Me: *my coworkers start laughing, too* “I really don’t think that would go over well.”

(I processed his transaction and handed him his receipt, and as he was leaving he told me again that I should really go see it. That customer made my night.)

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15 Hilarious Stories About Customers Demanding The Impossible

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(We sell console games in addition to groceries in a more-or-less rough part of town, and our policy is unopened games can be returned with a receipt within 14 days from purchase.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this game.”

Me: *checks seal on game* “Seal is in check, so I just need your receipt.”

Customer: “I’ve got no receipt. But I just want to exchange this for some groceries now.”

Me: “Sorry. Without a receipt I have to get authorization on these big ticket items from a manager.”

Customer: “It’s only a game. It’s not even that big.”

Me: “No, but the price tag is. It comes to almost $90, so I need a manager authorization.”

(My manager and I check the UPC in our system, and he sees that we received six copies of the game, and there is six on the shelf right now, and the system shows no sales since it arrived.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that game wasn’t bought at this store. Perhaps it was a different store you bought it at?”

Customer: “No, it was right here. I bet you it was the cashier just took my money and put it in her pocket when I left. Didn’t even scan it.”

Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I lost it.”

Me: “If you got a receipt, the cashier couldn’t have stolen your money. We received in six copies of this game, and there is six in our case. And we haven’t sold any at this location since it arrived.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want my money back. I just want groceries.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt showing purchase from this location, I cannot give you any sort of refund or exchange.”

Customer: “I’ll be back later to get a refund on this, then. Bunch a thieves.”

Manager: *to me after he leaves* “What was the game called he was trying to get off with?”

Me: “You’ll get a kick out of this: ‘Thief.’“

(Employees of this particular chain are upset about certain management decisions and are holding a job action. Shelves are not being restocked, and action at the distribution centers has halted the delivery of fresh produce, meats, and seafood.)

Customer: *seeing the empty seafood display* “Where is all the seafood?”

Worker: “In the ocean!”

(I am shopping for groceries one afternoon. I am 26 but look about 16, as I have always looked very young for my age. I am eight months pregnant with my first child. I am married but, due to swelling from pregnancy, I can’t wear my wedding ring, so I look 16, unwed, and pregnant. You can imagine. I am browsing the aisles when I overhear a mother tell her young daughter as they’re passing me.)

Mother: *points to me* “That right there is why you keep your legs closed.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Mother: “I was just telling my daughter she shouldn’t mess with boys because she will end up just like you. I mean, what kind of life can you provide for that baby? Are you still in school or did you drop out? Do you know the father?”

Me: “I will have you know that I am 26 years old, have graduated college, been married to the father of this baby for five years, and have a nice job at an accounting firm. My husband and I also planned to have this baby!”

Mother: “Well… *scoffs* “…you just look so young!”

Me: “Maybe you should teach your daughter to not be so judgmental of others and worry about your own parenting a little more!”

(I started wearing my wedding ring on a chain around my neck after that!)