(I decide to stop by a fast food burger joint one day for a quick lunch. I don’t normally visit fast food places, so I’m not used to the menu.)

Server: “What can I get for you today?”

Me: “Ummm… those all look like specialty items. Is there an option for just a regular old hamburger?”

Server: “Sure, just a plain hamburger?”

Me: “Yes, please, and a small fries.”

(I got my order, and carried it out to my car. When I opened up the bag, there was a small order of fries and the carton for the burger. I opened it up and found a plain hamburger inside… Plain, as in just a meat patty and no bun or anything else.)

(I like a specific burger with extra pickles and no mustard or cheese. The workers can’t seem to understand it.  First restaurant:)

Me: “Hello, may I please have a bacon double with no mustard, no cheese, and extra pickles?”

Worker #1: “Sure thing!”

(Hands me a burger with no pickles, extra mustard. Second restaurant:)

Me: “Hi! May I have a bacon double, no mustard, no cheese, and extra pickles?”

Worker #2: “Okay, first window.”

(Passes me a fish burger.)

Me: “Umm…”

(Third restaurant:)

Me: “Hello, May I have a bacon double, no mustard, no cheese, and extra pickles? And a vanilla frappé?”

Worker #3: “Sure, would you like to try our new apple pies?”

Me: “Why not?”

Worker #3: “Okay, first window.”

(The next worker passed me a burger, missing a patty, extra cheese, mustard, and lettuce. Lettuce doesn’t even come on the original. I also got two butter pies and a latte.)

(Our meals always comes with rice or noodles and is the first step in the plating process.)

Customer: “Okay! I’d like your orange chicken.”

Employee: “Great! Would you like rice or noodles to start?”

Customer: “I like to start with the orange chicken.”

Employee: “Sure! But our plates start with rice or noodles.”

Customer: *smirks, backs away, puts away his tray* “Well then, if you like it YOUR way.” *mumbles something and walks away; complains to his wife how we like it OUR way*

(The customer is a man about 50 years old. He orders a number 12, which is a chicken sandwich. I ask him if he wants crispy or grilled chicken and he says grilled. A few minutes after getting his food he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: *opens box* “This is a grilled chicken sandwich.”

Customer: “I wanted the grill.”

Me: “…Right. This is grilled.”

Customer: “No. You just said this is chicken! I didn’t want chicken. I wanted the grill.”

Me: “You ordered a chicken sandwich grilled… that’s what it says on your receipt.”

Customer: “I did want the grill, but I didn’t want chicken!”

Me: *blank stare* “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “The grill! I wanted the grill! You asked me crispy or grilled and I wanted the grill!”

Me: “The number 12 is a chicken sandwich, sir. That’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “I don’t want chicken. I want the grill.”

Me: “…Did you want a burger?”

Customer: “Yes! A grilled burger! I wanted the grill!”

Order Taker: “Hi, can I take your order?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like a chicken sandwich meal with root beer, light mayo, please.”

Order Taker: “I’m sorry; I think we only have one kind of mayo.”

(At this point, I decide it’s easiest to agree with her.)

Me: “Okay. In that case, can I get the sandwich with just a little bit of mayo.”

Order Taker: “Oh! Okay. Yeah, we can do that.”