(My family is planning to go to Disney World for our first family trip. I’m in the 4th grade, and we’re taking the trip in the fall to avoid the crowds, so I’m missing some school for it. This takes place just before we leave.)

Teacher: “[My Name], you said you’re going to be taking a vacation, right?”

Me: “Yep! We’re going to Disney World!”

Teacher: “How fun! Well, I got together the work we’ll be doing when you’re gone, so you’ll have it for when you get back.”

Me: “Oh, okay!”

(I take the very thick packet of worksheets, not thinking much of it. Over the course of the vacation, I occasionally do a sheet or two, but it remains mostly untouched, as our vacation schedule is very busy. A week later, I’m back at school.)

Teacher: “Welcome back, [My Name]! Did you have a nice trip?”

Me: “It was the best!”

Teacher: “Glad to hear it! Do you have your worksheets for me?”

(I hand him the small pile of papers I’d had time to finish.)

Teacher: “…This isn’t all of the work I gave you.”

Me: “Well, no, but I was busy, and you didn’t say I had to have it all done.”

Teacher: “This is completely unacceptable. You’ve been incredibly irresponsible.”

Me: *getting upset* “But I was on vacation! You never told me it was all due when I got back, and even if you had I wouldn’t have had time to do it!”

Teacher: “There’s no excuse for falling behind like this! You’ll have to stay in for recess until you finish all of this.”

Me: “But… but I’ll just do it at home!”

Teacher: “No, you have to learn your lesson.”

(I cried, but the teacher wouldn’t budge. My parents were livid, but couldn’t get him or the principal to let me do my work at home. I spent two weeks worth of recess finishing the work he gave me – which only proved to me that there was no way I could have finished it all on my vacation!)

(I am a fifth grader. My class is taking our end of year test, and I am the first one done.)

Me: “Ma’am? I’m done.”

Teacher: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Teacher: *after she has taken my test* “Now, [My Name], I want you to know that you will be receiving a detention for rushing on your test. There is no way that you took enough time to answer each question properly.”

(I tried not to cry and failed. The teacher continued to ‘make a lesson out of me.’ I ended up getting a perfect score on the test, but I didn’t get an apology.)

(I am supervising outside time after school. I am playing tag with the students, and I notice one kindergartener waving his middle finger at me.)

Me: “[Student]! What are you doing?”

Student: “I’m calling you over! Come and catch me!”

(I realize that he is trying to do the ‘come here’ gesture.)

Me: “Try doing that with your pointer finger instead.”

(He does, but he does it backwards so that his palm is facing forward.)

Me: “Close. This is ‘come here.'” *I show him the right way* “You’re doing ‘Redrum! Redrum!'”

Student: “What’s that?”

Me: “Go play tag.”

(He spends the rest of outside time running around with his finger screaming ‘Look guys! Redrum! Redrum!’)

(I’m subbing in a fourth grade classroom. The students are taking an open-book science test about the planets. About twenty minutes into the class, a young girl walks up to me with her test, looking worried.)

Student: “Miss [My Name], this question doesn’t have a correct answer!”

(She hands me the test and points to a multiple-choice question asking how old the Earth is, with answer such as 3.2 billion, 2.3 trillion, etc.)

Me: *handing the test back* “I see the answer is in there. Remember, you can look in your book to find the right answer, too.”

Student: “No, look. The Bible doesn’t tell us how old the earth is! So none of these answers can be right.”

(I’m lost for words for a moment, not expecting to hear that argument out of a fourth grader.)

Me: “Well, we don’t know how long it took God to create the world. We don’t know how long his seven days were. Do you think it took a long time for him to make the world?”

Student: *nods*

Me: “Scientists know how old the Earth is because they’ve done tests and looked at lots of stuff from a long time ago. This is science class, right?” *she nods* “Sometimes science and religion don’t match up. When you’re at church, you listen to your church leader, right?” *she nods again* “So if you’re in science class, who should you listen to?”

Student: “The teacher?”

Me: “Right.” *I hand her the test paper back* “The answer is in your book, I promise. Just do your best.”

(She went back to her test and didn’t have any more questions for me. I don’t know if it was the best way to handle that situation, but it seemed to work. Subbing in the Bible Belt is something else!)

(In a fourth-grade classroom, the students are 9-11 years of age.)

Student #1: “Miss, she just called me a mammal!”

Teacher: “Um… [Student #1], you are a mammal.”

Student #1: *outraged tone* “What?! I am NOT!”

Teacher: “Well… what are the characteristics of a mammal? They have live babies, fur or hair, the mommies make milk for the babies…”

Student #1: “I still don’t think that’s right.”

(It took another 10 minutes and a visit to Wikipedia before he was convinced.)