(My two friends and I are checking out the CDs and movies. We start hanging around a bargain-bin looking at each of the DVDs they have.)

Me: “Wow, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Season 6.”

Friend: “Oh, Full House.”

Me: “Yeah, I heard they’re doing a new version of Full House.”

Manager: “Hey, are you guys looking for anything in particular?”

Me: “No, we’re just browsing”

(I get the feeling we are being followed in the store. The manager leaves us alone at that point.)

Friend: “I feel like he wants us to leave…”

(We look up only to see the front doors have been shuttered up. We quickly head up to the front of the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you close? Are we able to purchase our stuff?”

Employee: “Yes, give us a second. We’ll ring you up.”

Me: “So…when did you close?”

Employee: “We close at 9 pm on Saturdays.”

Me: *looking at my cell phone and seeing it is 9:35* “Did you make an announcement you were closing?”

Employee: “No, we didn’t.”

(If it weren’t for the subtle hint of the manager while searching the bargain bin we may have still been in there hanging around.)

(I’m in town for a business meeting and I pop into an electronics store across the street from the hotel I’m staying in. I’m not wearing store colors or even the khakis and polo uniform, but I am dressed in business attire. I’m standing in the aisle looking at picking up a new video card when a woman approaches me with her young teen sons in tow.)

Mother: “Sir… Sir, can you tell me if this video card will be good enough to handle my son’s new game?”

Son: “It’s [Game].”

(I look around and, realizing that all the staff in the area are busy, I go ahead and take a look at the video card.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, if I remember the game’s requirements right, this video card will certainly do the trick, but I seem to have noticed that they have this one—” *I pick another one off the shelf* “–that is better and because it’s on sale, cheaper.”

(As she goes about her way, a second customer steps up to me.)

Other Customer: “Sir, I need help finding more RAM.”

(Seeing once again there is nobody around to help…)

Me: “Well, do you know what kind of RAM you’ll need?”

Other Customer: “Umm… no? Is there more than one kind?”

Me: “Yes and while they do carry RAM here, unless you know the model of your computer or better yet, motherboard, there’s no way to be sure you’re getting the right stuff.”

(She promises me she’ll get the computer’s model and come back later. This happens a couple more times and as I have literally nothing better to do and the store seems unusually busy, I go ahead and help them, never ONCE claiming to work there. This keeps on until a fifth person steps up at the same time a manager steps up to me.)

Customer: “So… I noticed you said ‘they.’ You don’t actually work here do you?”

(The manager speaks up before I can say anything.)

Manager: “No, he doesn’t but I feel like I should be slapping a polo on this guy. [Employee] over there will be happy to help you though.”

Manager: *to me* “So… you need a job?”

Me: “Hah, no, I’m only in town for business, I’m just looking at video cards to kill time.”

Manager: “Well, lemme know if you pick one out; we’ll give you the employee discount for today.”

(We both had a good chuckle about that but when I checked out, true to his word, the guy stopped the sales clerk to make sure I got the employee discount.)

(I am working a morning shift and only have an hour left until I get to go home. A customer comes in wanting to update the payment method on a product he purchased. I am a customer service manager, have been for 5 years, so I know what I am doing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have to call [Credit Company] and they will update the payment method for you.”

Customer: *raises his hand* “No, I don’t. You will change it for me. It’s not your fault. You are new and don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Sir, I have been working here for five years. When I tell you that we can’t change the payment method, I’m not BS-ing you. We cannot do it.”

Customer: “No. I come in here every time, and they allow me to change the payment method on this card from six months revolving payments to three months on this card.”

(At this time the customer starts yelling at me about how I know nothing so I call the store manager down.)

Store Manager: “Well, sir, like the Customer Service manager said, you need to phone the number on the back of your credit card.”

Customer: “NO! I come in here every time and I am always allowed to—”

Store Manager: “You come in here every time, I am always called down, and every time I tell you the same thing: We cannot do it. The next time you will not be told; you will be turned away.”

(The customer left. Next week he came back with the same problem. The manager came down to customer service immediately and told the customer he had to leave.)

(I have just been operated on to remove a cancerous tumor. It was a minor surgery, but the location of the incision made walking somewhat uncomfortable, so I use a cane for a few weeks. On my way back to the computer department from a break, a woman stops me…)

Customer: *speaking slowly, carefully enunciating every syllable, and condescendingly polite* “Excuse me, young man.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Can you find someone to help me? I need to pick up a ROU-ter. It’s a thing for my com-PU-ter.”

Me: “Sure! Do you—”

Customer: “Someone in HERE—” *gestures at the computer department* “—might know about it.”

Me: “Got it. Are you looking for a wired router, wired gigabit, wireless B, wireless G, or wireless N?”

Customer: “Oh. Oh!” *she suddenly speaks normally* “Oh, I’m sorry!” *she gestures to my cane* “I thought… I thought you were, like, just a bag boy or something.”

Me: “Right… Let’s go look at those routers.”

(After that, she was like any other normal customer. I didn’t bother to comment on her ignorant assumptions that using a cane or that having a job as a “bag boy” was an indication of a mental handicap.)

Customer: “Can I return this item without a receipt? It was a Christmas gift and I don’t want it.”

Me: “You can, but it’ll ring up at the lowest price it’s been over the last 90 days, and I know that was on sale a few weeks ago, so you’ll be getting that sale price back for it.”

Customer: “But I’m pretty sure he paid full price for it. It’s not my fault your store doesn’t issue gift receipts.”

Me: “We still issue regular receipts, and we let people go past the regular 30 day return policy if it was a Christmas gift.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have the receipt, so why can’t you give me the full price for it?”

Me: “Because that’s how our system works. Without a receipt, it comes up at the lowest price it’s been sold at, whether it was from a sale or a price match to a different store.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I don’t want it!”

Me: “Can you ask the person who gave it to you for the receipt?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Then that’s all we can do.”

Customer: “This is so STUPID! I’m going somewhere else to take it back.”

Me: *to myself* “And that’s why return policies are a thing.”