(A friend of mine has given me his copy of a video game notorious for it’s difficulty. I already own a copy so I decide to sell the game. I am at the electronic store.)

Me: “Hello, I would like to sell this game.” *holds up the game*

Cashier: “Sure, one second.” *begins ringing a bell* “WE HAVE A QUITTER!”

(Soon enough other cashiers start joining in the chorus of “WE HAVE A QUITTER!”. It dies down after a few seconds. The cashier at this point is nearly on the verge of tears from laughing.)

Cashier: “Oh, god, sorry. We’ve been planning that for months now. We just been waiting for someone who seems like they can take a joke.”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’ve might have done the same thing myself.”

(In the end I got a $20 gift card as “compensation.”)

(I work at the repair desk of a big electronics store. A customer brings in a phone which isn’t working. I go to the back to open it up and check the inside. It clearly has liquid damage. I return to tell the customer about it.)

Customer: “Liquid damage? How’d that happen?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know. Did you use it in the rain? Did you accidentally drop it in some water?”

Customer: “Well, we were riding our bikes the other day when it was raining a lot. We got soaking wet, and I had the phone in my pocket… No, that couldn’t be it.”

Customer: “Hey, I need to return this laptop. It’s broken.”

(He lays down a fairly new model of MacBook, still in its box, that costs in the region of around $1,300. The receipt he hands me seems to match and it’s within our 30 day return window… HOWEVER, I notice when he sets the laptop box down it makes a strange metallic rattling noise.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you give me a brief description of what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just said, it’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to have a look at it.”

Customer: “Huh?! No, you don’t! Just give me my refund!”

(I move to pick up the box, and while doing so I again hear that strange metallic rattling noise. Keep in mind that most MacBooks these days are made with all the guts welded to the case (hence how they’re able to make them so thin), so there’s very little in them that could rattle.)

Me: “I’m afraid, sir, it’s policy that I type up a damage report before I give you a refund. We need to send this back with some idea of what’s wrong with it so it can hopefully get repaired.”

Customer: “Can I get a manager? I’m in a hurry and just need my refund!”

Me: “I can certainly get you my manager but he’ll say the same thing. If you don’t know what’s wrong with it, I need to have an actual look at the computer before I get you your refund.”

Customer: “Gah, no wonder everyone hates shopping here! Whatever happened to trusting in your fellow man, huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to abide by our return process. Just let me take a look at the computer and I’ll get you your refund.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He turned and bolted out of the store entrance, right past our very confused security guard. Surprise, surprise, when I took the computer out, it was actually the casing for an old Windows laptop that was the same size as the MacBook that should’ve been in there. What’s more, it had been gutted save for a few discarded screws which explained the rattling. ‘Trust in your fellow man’ indeed.)

(My two friends and I are checking out the CDs and movies. We start hanging around a bargain-bin looking at each of the DVDs they have.)

Me: “Wow, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Season 6.”

Friend: “Oh, Full House.”

Me: “Yeah, I heard they’re doing a new version of Full House.”

Manager: “Hey, are you guys looking for anything in particular?”

Me: “No, we’re just browsing”

(I get the feeling we are being followed in the store. The manager leaves us alone at that point.)

Friend: “I feel like he wants us to leave…”

(We look up only to see the front doors have been shuttered up. We quickly head up to the front of the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you close? Are we able to purchase our stuff?”

Employee: “Yes, give us a second. We’ll ring you up.”

Me: “So…when did you close?”

Employee: “We close at 9 pm on Saturdays.”

Me: *looking at my cell phone and seeing it is 9:35* “Did you make an announcement you were closing?”

Employee: “No, we didn’t.”

(If it weren’t for the subtle hint of the manager while searching the bargain bin we may have still been in there hanging around.)

(I’m in town for a business meeting and I pop into an electronics store across the street from the hotel I’m staying in. I’m not wearing store colors or even the khakis and polo uniform, but I am dressed in business attire. I’m standing in the aisle looking at picking up a new video card when a woman approaches me with her young teen sons in tow.)

Mother: “Sir… Sir, can you tell me if this video card will be good enough to handle my son’s new game?”

Son: “It’s [Game].”

(I look around and, realizing that all the staff in the area are busy, I go ahead and take a look at the video card.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, if I remember the game’s requirements right, this video card will certainly do the trick, but I seem to have noticed that they have this one—” *I pick another one off the shelf* “–that is better and because it’s on sale, cheaper.”

(As she goes about her way, a second customer steps up to me.)

Other Customer: “Sir, I need help finding more RAM.”

(Seeing once again there is nobody around to help…)

Me: “Well, do you know what kind of RAM you’ll need?”

Other Customer: “Umm… no? Is there more than one kind?”

Me: “Yes and while they do carry RAM here, unless you know the model of your computer or better yet, motherboard, there’s no way to be sure you’re getting the right stuff.”

(She promises me she’ll get the computer’s model and come back later. This happens a couple more times and as I have literally nothing better to do and the store seems unusually busy, I go ahead and help them, never ONCE claiming to work there. This keeps on until a fifth person steps up at the same time a manager steps up to me.)

Customer: “So… I noticed you said ‘they.’ You don’t actually work here do you?”

(The manager speaks up before I can say anything.)

Manager: “No, he doesn’t but I feel like I should be slapping a polo on this guy. [Employee] over there will be happy to help you though.”

Manager: *to me* “So… you need a job?”

Me: “Hah, no, I’m only in town for business, I’m just looking at video cards to kill time.”

Manager: “Well, lemme know if you pick one out; we’ll give you the employee discount for today.”

(We both had a good chuckle about that but when I checked out, true to his word, the guy stopped the sales clerk to make sure I got the employee discount.)