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The Triforce Of Love

| Romantic | October 8, 2012

(My girlfriend and I are both geeks. We are at a convention as Link and Zelda. We are currently at the costume contest.)

Me: “Come on, let’s go up and enter the pairs division.”

Girlfriend: “Why? We’re not going to win. All the other costumes are a lot better than ours.” *this is absolutely true*

Me: “Please… it’ll be fun!”

Girlfriend: “Alright.”

(We walk up and get in line. As our turn comes up, we walk across the stage and pose. I turn to her. I have prearranged something with the people running the contest and they give me a microphone.)

Me: “I have loved you since our first dance. And I want to spend the rest of my life dancing with you.”

(I get down on one knee and pull out the ring. The crowd is dead silent.)

Me: “I tried to think of some big romantic thing, but that wouldn’t be us. So here goes.”

(Holding up the ring.)

Me: *quoting ‘Legend of Zelda’* “It’s not safe to go alone. Take this!”

(The crowd starts screaming and she starts crying. She nods and a put the ring on her finger. I stand up, we hug, and I give a thumbs up to the crowd. They scream louder. We won the contest.)

Zord Almighty

| Right | September 25, 2012

(I’m a big Sentai fan (aka Power Rangers in English). I overhear this conversation at an anime convention I’m attending. NOTE: I am female while the attendees that are talking are male; also I am not from the same state that it’s being held at. We’re at a vendor booth who’s selling old toys—Power Rangers being one of them.)

Attendee #1: “Man, Power Rangers is classic!”

Attendee #2: “Have you watched any of the Japanese versions?”

Attendee #1: “F*** no! The Japanese ones are stupid as f***! America started the whole trend in the first place!”

Attendee #2: “Um… no they didn’t. ”

Attendee #1: “Whatever, f***ing otaku.”

Me: “He’s right.”

Attendee #1: “Like you would know!”

Me: “I would. Mighty Morphin’ is technically Zyuranger in Japan. The 16th series in the Super Sentai line.”

Attendee #1: “Oh yeah? Then where are the other 15 then, Miss Thang?!”

Me: “Never translated. But you can find most of them online.”

Attendee #1: “Bulls***! You’re a girl and know nothing about Power Rangers!”

Attendee #2: “More than you.” *to me* “Have you seen it in Japanese?”

Me: “Not all of it… but I can see why it almost killed the franchise in Japan though.”

Attendee #1: “HA! See! Japan sucks! They failed at translating it, so it sucked!”

Me: “You do realize you’re at an ANIME CONVENTION? You know, Japanese animation and other media.”

Attendee #1: “Some weebos came up with the term anime! It’s just awesome American cartoons that the f***ing Japanese stole from us!”

Attendee #2: “Okay, dude… you’re crazy.”

Me: “Yeah, you’re a moron.”

(Attendee #2 and I walk away and end up talking a lot about the Sentai series and wound up being pen pals. As we are heading to our rooms, we’re surprised to see Attendee #1 getting escorted out of the convention by staff and security yelling obscene things. I walk up to a staff member of the con.)

Me: “Um… can I ask what that was about?”

Staff: “He cursed and threw something at one of our guests.”

Attendee #2: “Who?”

Staff: “Robert Axelrod.”

Me: “The voice of Lord Zedd?!”

Staff: “Yeah, he mentioned how Zedd was an original character for the American version, and it set him off!”

Oh, Dear God, It’s Growing Bigger

| Right | September 18, 2012

(I am selling t-shirts at Dragon*Con, a very large media/SF convention in Atlanta. One of our most popular shirts is one with, “This is my Boomstick” emblazoned on the front, with an outline of Ash from the Evil Dead movies. As we are very busy, I’m in the habit of glancing at the shirt and asking the customer for the size to make checkout faster.)

Me: “…and what size is your boomstick, sir?”

Customer #1: “Large.”

Me: “I can’t believe I said that. Sorry.”

Customer #1: “Um, okay.”

Customer #2: *hands me money* “Just to let you know, MY boomstick is extra-large!”

Make Rainbows, Not War

| Romantic | August 8, 2012

(I’m at a gaming convention with a few of my friends. We play games as a team, but nothing serious. I’m gay, as are a couple of my teammates, and we are playing a friendly match against another team in a popular war-based shooter. This happens in-game through voice chat. My gamer tag is Rainboom, and I have a picture of me with a rainbow.)

Random opponent: “Hey, Rainboom, are you a [derogatory word for gay]?”

Me: “Do you mean am I gay? Yeah, what of it?”

Random opponent: “What the h*** are you doing playing a game? Go suck a d***!”

Me: “Whatever, mate.”

Random opponent: “I am not your mate, homo! Go die, you piece of s***!”

Opponent’s team mate #1: “Hey Tom, shut the h*** up!”

Random opponent: “Nuh, gays shouldn’t be playing games! They should be burnt alive!”

Opponent’s team mate #2: “Dude, not cool!”

Opponent’s team mate #1: “Grow up man! Just play the game!”

Random opponent: “F*** you lot! Rainboom can go die!”

Opponent’s team mate #2: “Just shut up. I’m gay too. You got a f***ing problem?!”

Random opponent: ”Sick f***s! Go eat s*** and die together!”

Opponent’s team mate #1: “Rainboom, this guy is all yours!”

(Tom’s teammates stopped attacking our team, leaving Tom alone. Our team decimate him, continually killing him. He continues giving me abuse, but he doesn’t get a single kill in. He leaves before the game actually finishes, entirely humiliated. Ten minutes later, in the real world I run into a stranger.)

Stranger: “Hey, are you Rainboom?”

Me: *surprised* “Yeah.”

Stranger: “I want to apologise for my team mate earlier. He’s our friend’s little brother and he was only brought because his brother was sick. He’s been banned from playing with us again though, and we told his parents and brother what he did. I don’t think he’ll doing that again.”

Me: “Aw, thanks. That’s so nice!”

Stranger: “Anyway, I thought I could buy you a energy drink to make up for it?”

(We dated for a few months after that!)

This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

, , , , , | Right | August 6, 2012

(There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [Popular Webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshiping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshipers!”

Me: “I never said that.”

Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

(There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

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