(As cashiers, we’re required to ask for emails at the end of a purchase. Customers can decline, and it’s no problem for us to bypass the email capture screen. I’ve just finished up ringing a young woman and her boyfriend.)

Me: “Perfect, we’re almost done! Could I just enter your email?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s BS@f-a-r-t-n-u-g-g-e-t.com.”

Me: *typing it in without thinking* “All right, if you could just verify the email below on the card reader— oh.”

Boyfriend: *snickers*

Me: “I guess that’ll be a ‘no, thank you’ on the email then…”

(The shops on our street all have little fake trees put above their doors for the festive season. This happens in about the third week of November. I am scheduled to be in the shop alone for a couple of hours, as the only other person available to work then is the owner, who hardly ever comes in. The guy who usually puts up the Christmas trees every year comes through the door.)

Christmas Tree Guy: “Hi there!”

Me: “Oh, hi!”

Christmas Tree Guy: “Is your tree all put together and ready to go?”

Me: “Er, no, I’m really sorry. Nobody told me you’d be coming today!”

Christmas Tree Guy: “That’s okay; not your fault! I’ll come back in a while when you’ve got it ready.”

(I give the owner a couple of calls to ask her where the tree is, but she doesn’t pick up. So, I go down into our extremely full stock room and spend about ten minutes looking for the tree, and then another ten minutes moving heavy boxes around so that I can actually get the tree out of the stock room. Luckily it’s quite a slow morning, and no customers come in while I’m attempting to put together the tree. It’s really a two person job, so I’m having quite a bit of trouble. After about half an hour, I get to the top section of the tree, only to discover the part that attaches the top section to the bottom section is actually broken. I spend about another fifteen minutes trying to fix the part with duct tape, before the owner finally calls me back. I explain the situation with the tree.)

Owner: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve ordered a new tree to go above the shop this year, so we don’t have to use the old one. Sorry.”

(I look at the broken tree, at the counter and floor, which are now covered with fake plastic pine needles, at the bunch of heavy boxes I had to move to get the tree out of the stock room, and my now ruined nails.)

Me: *grits teeth* “Fine. Thanks for letting me know.”

This story is part of the Christmas In The Workplace roundup!

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(It is about a week before Christmas and I am opening the clothing store I manage by myself. I run to the food court to grab some breakfast, and when I returned to the store there was a middle-aged woman standing in front of the doors.)

Me: “Good morning!” *I bend down to unlock the doors*

Customer: “Hi! What time do you open?”

Me: “We open at 10:00, and it’s about a quarter ‘til right now. I’m just gonna eat this really quick and open the registers and then I’ll open up the store.”

Customer: *cheerfully* “Oh, okay! Take your time!”

(While I eat and finish up my opening procedures, the customer just paces in front of the windows, looking intently at all of our window displays. I end up opening the doors a few minutes early, and while I’m placing the signs outside the doors she walks in and heads straight to the registers. I figure she’s wanting to purchase a gift card since she’s not looking around the store. I walk back to the registers to assist her.)

Me: “So, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I’m just here to pick up the No Doubt vinyl.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for.”

Customer: *sighs* “You know, the vinyl!”

Me: *confused* “We have a men’s cologne called Vinyl. Is that what you were looking for?”

Customer: *sighing loudly* “No, not cologne! Vinyl! You know, like a record! The No Doubt record!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what records are, but we don’t sell them here.”

Customer: *starts glaring at me* “What?! What do you mean you don’t sell it here?”

Me: *gesturing around the store* “We sell clothes, shoes, and accessories, but no music. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “But I spoke to you on the phone not even 30 minutes ago, and you said you’d hold the vinyl for me! Why would you say you’d put something on hold that you don’t even sell?”

Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone all morning. I also would never tell someone we would hold a product that we don’t even carry. Are you sure you’re in the right store?”

Customer: “Well, this is Hot Topic isn’t it?!”

Me: *sighing* “No, ma’am, that’s next door. On your left hand side.”

Customer: *suddenly cheerful again* “Oh, why didn’t you just say so?”

(I have no idea how she stood outside my store staring in the windows for 15 minutes and didn’t realize she was in the wrong place!)

Customer: “I can’t find the skirt I came for.”

Me: “Can you describe it for me?”

Customer: “it was blue, lightweight, and had a red flower design around the bottom.”

Me: “I can’t think of a skirt like that in stock right now. Did you see it online? We don’t carry the whole collection here.”

Customer: “No, I had a dream I bought it here. You MUST carry it! My dreams are prophetic!”

(I am finishing up my shopping experience by doing the impossible – putting the things I don’t want back where I got them. A random woman on her phone thrusts a pile of clothes into my arms.)

Me: “What the h***?”

(I drop the clothes on the floor.)

Woman: “What are you doing?! Put those away!”

Me: “Why the h*** would I put your clothes away for you?! Put them away yourself!”

Woman: “What the f*** is your problem?! DO YOUR JOB!”

Me: “I DON’T work here! Why would you assume that I did?! Pick up your clothes and put them away yourself!”

Woman: “Then why are you putting clothes away if you don’t work here?!” *smug that she caught me in a supposed lie*

Me: “Because that’s what you do when you don’t want to buy something – YOU PUT IT BACK.”

Woman: “Oh… Can you still put these away for me though?”

Me: “NO! Do it yourself!”

(She opened and closed her mouth a few times before just walking away. Some people seriously shouldn’t be allowed in stores.)