Boyfriend: *trying to be cute* “I love you with all my heart, soul, spirit, and mind.”
Me: “Well, I love you with all my toenails and hairs.”
Boyfriend: “You love me with all your dead cells?”
Me: “Yes. That means I love you with the whole top layer of my skin, too.”
Boyfriend: “Um, thanks? That’s the… most romantic thing I’ve ever heard?”
(I am texting my boyfriend, who’s living in another state for a short while. He’s a gamer, but has always been very sweet about texting me back even when he’s in the middle of a game.)
Me: “What’re you up to?”
Boyfriend: “Playing BF3. And talking to you.”
Me: “I don’t mind if you ignore me when you’re gaming sometimes, you know. It doesn’t hurt
my feelings, and I’ll still be here when you’re done. Go! Kill all the things!”
Boyfriend: “…this is why I like you.”
(My fiancé and I are currently in a very long-distance relationship. I’m in New York, but he’s in Chile because of his job. However, we still stay close by constantly communicating over text throughout the day. To liven up the conversation, I get the idea to try to ‘Rickroll’ him with the first word in every text.)
Fiancé: “Good morning!”
Me: “NEVER say good morning to me this early. Ugh.”
Fiancé: “Oh, okay. Start waking up already.”
Me: “GONNA be a few minutes.”
Fiancé: “So, are you going to be working tonight?”
Me: “GIVE me a minute. Still waking up.”
Fiancé: “I think you said that already.”
Me: “YOU are right, I did. What did you ask again?”
Fiancé: “Are you working tonight?”
Me: “UP to my schedule… let me check.”
Me: “NEVER getting a break until the twenty-eighth. No, wait…”
Me: “GONNA have tomorrow off!”
Fiancé: “Awesome!”
Me: “LET me remind you that I have tomorrow off.”
Fiancé: “Um… awesome?”
Me: “YOU looking forward to watching Doctor Who when it starts up again?”
Fiancé: “Of course I am! What kind of nerd would I be otherwise?”
Me: “DOWN-to-earth and boring and no real nerd at all.”
Me: “NEVER forget that I love you, my real nerd.”
Fiancé: “Your real nerd? Are you suggesting I was a fake nerd before?”
Me: “GONNA be honest… no nerd is more real than you.”
Fiancé: “Um… what constitutes a fake nerd?”
Me: “RUN away! An army of fake nerds are heading our way with all of their lens-less 3D glasses!”
(He stops replying for awhile, so I take advantage of the pause to finish a line of the song.)
Me: “AROUND 4 PM now and I’m still in my pyjamas.”
Me: “AND now I am dressed!”
Me: “DESERT your job and come back to me!”
Me: “YOU know you want to!”
Fiancé: “That’s not really an option, but I miss you.”
(He goes to bed at this point, so I happily continue the song.)
Me: “NEVER gonna forget the first time we played Pokémon together. It was so magical and wonderful. I am simply never…”
Me: “GONNA forget it.”
Me: “MAKE me a promise… never battle anyone the way you battled with me.”
Me: “YOU definitely had the advantage because you’d been playing longer. I almost cried when you beat me. In fact, I still…”
Me: “CRY when you defeat my poor Pokémon.”
Me: “NEVER have I met a man like you. No other man plays Pokémon the way you do. I know with certainty that no other man is ever”
Me: “GONNA compare. You are the very best that no one ever was, and I know that I will never regret it when I…”
Me: “SAY ‘I do!’ on our wedding day.”
Me: “GOODBYE, time for work!”
(After work, I pick it up again.)
Me: “NEVER mind that goodbye… hello again!”
Me: “GONNA sleep late tomorrow. By the way, I want to…”
Me: “TELL you that I love you very much! Goodnight!”
(As soon as I wake up the next day, I continue it.)
Me: “A good morning to you!”
Fiancé: “Um… good afternoon.”
Me: “LIE! A lie!”
Fiancé: “Sounds like you’re calling me a liar.”
Me: “AND you are not, so I suppose I have to accept the fact that I slept so late…”
Me: “HURT foot feeling better today?”
Fiancé: “Um… my foot is fine?”
Me: “YOU must be glad of that!”
(I allow a pause.)
Me: “Hey, dear?”
Fiancé: “Yes?”
Me: “Read the first word of every text from me for the last 24 hours.”
Fiancé: “What the heck!”
(I’m at home in Ontario while my boyfriend is in Nova Scotia for his friends’ wedding. We’re texting back and forth.)
Boyfriend: “I got you prezzies from Halifax today!”
Me: “Prezzies? Like multiples? More than one!”
Boyfriend: “Yes, well, I went and spent money on my boy. What? Lol.”
Me: “Sugar daddy.”
Boyfriend: “Nah, can’t afford real sugar. More like ‘Splenda daddy’.”
(My mom has just acquired a new Blackberry, and is using it to send me an email. At the bottom of the message is a strange sentence.)
Mom’s email: “Sore for any tips.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
Mom’s email: “I meant to write ‘sorry for any typos’!”
