(I am talking online to my boyfriend.)
Me: “Do you still love me?”
Boyfriend: “It’s not like I have a choice.”
Me: “Why?”
Boyfriend: “You have half my heart.”
Me: “Aww!”
Boyfriend: “And the keys to my apartment.”
(My girlfriend is a science major. We often joke about her being a mad scientist who will take over the world. We’re in different parts of the state for summer break. She’s working backstage with a local singing group.)
Girlfriend: “Miss you too. I’m working backstage today. Friday and Saturday. So much singing!”
Me: “Oh, I didn’t know. Have fun.”
Girlfriend: “No worries. I forgot to tell you, and I have minions to do the work anyways.”
Me: “Yay, minions! When we take over the world I’ll make sure you always have minions.”
Girlfriend: “Yay! I love minions. But not as much as I love you.”
(I am organizing and managing a weekend gathering, and getting quite annoyed with someone who doesn’t understand that I run many events. I start texting my boyfriend.)
Me: “If I were convicted of murder, but the victim was an annoying git who is trying to tell me how to do my job, would you be upset?”
Boyfriend: “Does the prison you’re going to have conjugal visits?”
Me: “Well, if I do kill them, would you help dispose of the body?”
Boyfriend: “I’ll warm up the chainsaw.”
Me: “I love you.”
(My boyfriend of 2 years and I have a long distance relationship, so we text message each other a lot. One “I love you more” argument happens like this…)
Boyfriend: “I love you more.”
Me: “No, I love YOU more.”
Boyfriend: “I love you more times infinity.”
Me: “I love you more times Chuck Norris.”
Boyfriend: “I love you more times Morgan Freeman’s voiceovers.”
Me: “D*** it.”
