(My boyfriend and I are miles apart while he’s in a sports tournament. We Skype everyday to make up for the lost time. It is in the early hours of the morning; he is very sleepy and has a habit of talking in third person when he’s tired. He has his laptop on his bed while he lays on his side next to it.)

Boyfriend: *in the third person* “[His name] misses his boyfriend!”

Me: “Aw, babe, miss you too!”

Boyfriend: “[His name] doesn’t think he will be able to get to sleep. Why can’t you be here? We could cuddle!”

Me: *laughs* “You’ll be home in a few days, we’ll make up for it then?”

Boyfriend: *face lights up* “I have an idea!”

(He turns the laptop around so it’s facing away from him, and puts it on its side. He then wraps his arm around the laptop.)

Boyfriend: “Ha! It’s like we’re spooning!” *pause* “That was very lame, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.”

Me: “Yes, but don’t be sorry! It was also the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. So you are forgiven!”

Boyfriend: “Yay!” *laptop moves a little* “You can’t see, but I’m doing a victory dance!”

(Me and the boyfriend are long distance, and we are chatting on Skype. It’s late on my end, and I’m exhausted, so I’m being a bit silly. I decide to hug the laptop.)

Boyfriend: “Love, you just sent me a message.”

Me: “My boobs are sending you things.”

Boyfriend: “Well, there’s something I never thought I’d hear you say.”

(My boyfriend and I are long-distance, and usually video-chat nightly. He has been away on assignment for work, and hasn’t been able to video-chat while away. It is the first time that I see his face since he left 2 weeks earlier.)

Me: “I see you! There you are!”

Boyfriend: “It’s me! Where else are you going to see an adorable face like this?”

Me: “Under a bridge.”

Boyfriend: “What?! Did you just call me a troll?”

Me: “No. You look like a homeless person. You need to shave.”

Boyfriend: “I missed you, too.”

(My fiancé and I are currently in a long-distance relationship while I finish my last year of undergrad. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I won’t see him this year on it, because he is coming down the next month to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. I check my phone and see that I’ve received a text from my fiancé.)

Fiancé: “So, I hope you know I will never forget. But even so, I added a reminder to my Google account saying ‘Don’t you dare forget about your wife’s birthday you piece of S***!’. It’s set to go off for the next 50 years. So, it will start an alarm on your birthday on every Google phone I have until you turn 71.”

(My boyfriend and I are long distance while he’s in school, so we text constantly. He’s an electrical engineering major and is doing calculus homework one night. We’re planning on getting married.)

Me: “If you use any kind of calculus pick up line on our wedding night, it’s not happening.”

Boyfriend: “Honey, you must be a derivative because I am radical about you!”

Me: “I can’t believe you just said that.”

Boyfriend: “Or better yet, baby, I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.”

Me: “Oh, my…”

Boyfriend: “We are going to have a great time with this.”

Me: “I have no idea what you’re saying but it’s making me bust a gut.”

Boyfriend: “That’s because if I were a function, you would be my asymptote. I would always tend towards you.”

Me: “Hey, that one I actually understood!”

Boyfriend: Baby, you’re like sin x and I am like cos x. Together we make one.”

Me: “Awesome.”

Boyfriend: “And also, I am your cosine baby! Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.”

Me: “That’s the sweetest nerdy thing anyone has ever said to me.”