(I am texting my girlfriend and my mother at the same time, and accidentally cross my replies. My religious mother has been trying to get me to watch ‘Passion Of The Christ’.)

Mum: “So what did you think of the movie?”

Me: “So lovely! Everyone there was just so nice. Spent all afternoon thinking how inspiring all these people are and that I want to be just like them. Too much wine though.”

Girlfriend: “My sister told me you came by the house yesterday and didn’t realise I was at work. But you hung out for a couple of hours anyway? How was it?”

Me: “It was horrible, I seriously thought it would never end. I’ve never seen so much prolonged violence, and there were so many sadistic people! I’m so glad all those people are going to Hell.”

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and text each other almost constantly to keep close.)

Boyfriend: “You’re petty.”

Me: “…I guess a little… sometimes… sorry?”

Boyfriend: “PRETTY! I meant pretty! Stupid swype!”

(My fiancé and I are at our respective colleges, texting each other.)

Me: “You spoil me.”

Fiancé “I try.”

Me: “Baby, I want the moon.”

Fiancé “I can’t get you the moon.”

Me: “Why not!”

Fiancé “Where am I going to buy one?”

Me: “Amazon.”

Fiancé “Babe, the tide would follow you. Dogs would howl after you. People would change into werewolves when you walked by. It’s not worth it.”

Me: “…I wish I could still lock text messages.”

(My boyfriend has just gotten home from a very long and tedious, and is very tired. We are chatting on skype.)

Me: “Aw!” *smiles at a link to a picture he sends me*

Boyfriend: “Have I mentioned that I like it when you smile?”

Me: “Yes, quite often.”

Boyfriend: “You have the kind of smile that cures puppies of cancer.”

(I stare blankly)

Boyfriend: “…and this is my brain after 12 hours of work.”

(My boyfriend and I are texting about a movie we’re going to see in about 5 days.)

Boyfriend: “What show times are there?”

Me: “I don’t think the times will be out yet.”

Boyfriend: “Curses!”

Me: “Foiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Oiled again!”

Me: “Soiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Spoiled again!”

Me: “Coiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Toiled again!”

Me: “Boiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Roiled again!”

Me: “Broiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Doiled again!”

Me: “Recoiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Unfoiled again!”

Me: “Charbroiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Embroiled again!”

Me: “Loyaled again!”

Boyfriend: “Royaled again!”

Me: “That was my next one!”

Boyfriend: “Extra cuddles?”

Me: “Okay!”