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I Sense A Rejection Letter

, , , | Right | December 8, 2007

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] at College], and I’m calling this evening to talk to [Name] about her college search. Is she available?”

An older man who answers.

Man: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

Me: “Uh… okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple of pieces of contact information for her?”

Man: “I could take the information down, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

Man: “No, no joke…”


This story is part of the College-Admission-Fails roundup!

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You Can Lead A Horse To Water…

, , , | Right | November 29, 2007

(A young man from Fullerton, CA calls to get our address in Rancho Cordova, CA.)

Caller: “Rancho Cordova? What coast is that on?”

Me: “We are in California, just like you.”

Caller: “Oh… So, East?”

For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

, , | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rearview mirror?”

Me: *not sure if she is serious* “Well, you must manually adjust your rearview mirror.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Umm… take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”


This story is part of our bad driver roundup!

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Bird Brained

, , | Right | November 15, 2007

Me: “Hello, telephone orders.”

Customer: “Hi, I’ve just seen a bird in my back garden.”

Me: “That’s very nice, madam. Would you like to place an order?”

Customer: “It’s kind of a black and white colour, and quite large…”

Me: “Okay, madam. Did you want to place an order with us today?”

Customer: “What type of bird do you think it is? It’s very unusual.”

Me: “Erm, I’m afraid I can’t help you, madam. I’m just a call center operative.”

Customer: “But don’t you know about birds? Aren’t you the RSPB?” *Royal Society for the Protection of Birds*

Me: “No, madam. We’re just a trading company.”

Customer: “Well, my brochure says RSPB on it.”

Me: “That’s correct, but we’re a trading company. We have lots of different charity catalogues. You actually need to call the RSPB head office.”

Customer: “But it says on this catalogue that you are the RSPB. Surely you must be able to tell me what type of bird it is. It’s so pretty. Oh, oh, oh… Oh, dear, I thought it was going to fly off then. Stay, little birdy. Don’t go away. Good birdy.”

Me: “So would you like the number for the RSPB then?”

Customer: “So who are you?”

(This goes on and on and on, with intermittent monologue about what the bird is actually doing and what she’s fed it)

Someone Needs To Get Out More

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash, or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his penis.”

Caller: *hangs up*


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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