(I work at a call center for a large online distributor of high-end lighting.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]; this is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering where my shipment was.”

Me: “Okay, if you give me your order number, I can check on that for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my d*** order number! Can’t you just look it up by my name?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since we have customers all over the country, I can’t look you up by just your name. I can try your email address, however.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! It’s [email].”

Me: “Okay, give me just a moment to pull that up.”

Customer: “Thanks. I’m really frustrated because this d*** thing was supposed to arrive yesterday and it’s still not here yet.”

(I pull up her order. The tracking information for her shipment says that it is being delayed because of the hurricane. I check her information: she is located in New York, a few miles outside of New York City.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the delay in shipment, but it seems that delivery to your area is on hold because of the hurricane.”

Customer: “What? The hurricane was last night. Is my furniture coming today?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the shipping company is going to have a hard time getting to your area because of the hurricane.”

Customer: “What the f***?! How is that my problem? I paid for the d*** furniture, and I want it to be delivered on time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but have you seen the news for your area?”

Customer: “Well, duh! Everyone’s talking about the d*** hurricane!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, would you want to be out driving right now?”

Customer: “Of course not! It’s awful out there!”

Me: “But you expect the delivery company to be able to get to you?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “They will be out for delivery as soon as everything is cleaned up.”

Customer: *click*

Editor’s note: Although this story tells the lighter side of things, the devastation caused by Sandy is very serious. Click here to visit FEMA’s page and learn how you can donate and volunteer.

This story is part of our New York City roundup!

Read the next New York City roundup story!

Read the New York City roundup!

(I receive a very rude automated call saying that I should have the “common decency to return our call”. I call immediately and they are closed. The next day, they call me with another rude automated call, and I immediately call back.)

Representative: “Thanks for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I received a very rude automated call twice  demanding that I call back. So I am just returning the call.”

Representative: “What is your phone number?”

Me: *gives her the number*

Representative: “Yes, we are attempting to contact Gloria. Is this she?”

(I am dumbfounded, as I am a very large man with a very burly voice.)

Me: “…Umm, no. I don’t even know a Gloria at all. This is my number and you need to remove my number from your call list.”

Representative: “FINE!”

Me: “Look, I know your job must be tough, but just a tip: people would be more likely to call back if this company’s messages weren’t so rude and demanding. You can catch more flies with—”

Representative: “I am not here to take advice from little s***s like you, so F*** off!” *hangs up*

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [me] at [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I sent my item back because I didn’t want it, and now you’re refusing to give me a refund.”

(I take the customer’s order number and details and see what our system says.)

Me: “According to our system, we received your item back on [date] and the refund should have been automatic.”

Customer: “Well, I haven’t got it, and I got an email today telling me you were going to auction my refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you can’t even do a simple refund! How stupid are you? I’ve shopped with you for a very long time, but I never will again! How dare you auction my things?”

(The customer goes on like this for a few minutes, accusing the company of stealing her money and me of being too stupid to help her. Once she stops, I get a chance to reply.)

Me: “Okay. Might the e-mail say we’re actioning your refund”?”

Customer: *hangs up*

(A customer calls up, saying she checked her account online and saw her order was cancelled.)

Customer: “Why was it cancelled? I never asked it to be cancelled!”

Me: “Well, it looks like when the order was placed, but the CVC was input incorrectly, so we were unable to take payment.”

Customer: “Well, who put it in incorrectly!?”

Me: “Umm, it was actually you who placed it online.”

Customer: “Well, why did no one bother calling me to let me know there was a problem!?”

Me: “When you set the order up online, you didn’t provide us with a contact number.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Operator: “Thank you calling [cellphone company]. My name is Paul. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I lost my phone this morning. It slipped from a pouch on the back of my bike I forgot to zip up. I was calling it, hoping somebody would find it and answer, but now it’s going straight to voicemail.”

Operator: “Any chance the battery just died?”

Me: “I don’t think so. It was fully charged. At first it was ringing out, but now it looks like somebody’s switched it off; it goes straight to voicemail. I’d like to get the number blocked so they can’t use up all my call credit before I get the number transferred to a new phone.”

Operator: “And are you calling from the phone in question?”

Me: “Wha… yes. Yes, I am calling you right now from the phone I’m reporting stolen.”

Operator: *finally gets it* “Okay, and… oh! Right!”