(I have been working for a week in a call center. The place is a shoddy apartment with two rooms and a bathroom. The walls are yellowed and the stench of stale smoke lingers everywhere. Of the two rooms, one is for non-smokers but it makes very little difference as the windows are never opened.)

Me: “[Boss], I won’t be coming in to work anymore.”

Boss: *smoking* “Why?”

Me: “Er, I’m quitting. I found a job with another company.”

Boss: “What company? Another call center?”

Me: “No, they paint industrial machinery. I’ve been hired as a lab technician.”

Boss: *puffing smoke right into my face* “Oh, well. If you want to leave, then go. But you’re going to get cancer in there.”

(I am a supervisor in a call center for a large online accommodation site. I get an angry guest escalated to me because she is unhappy about something that has appeared on her screen while browsing our site.)

Me: “Hello. My name is [Name] and I’m a supervisor at [Site]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m am just calling to let you know that I am never using your site! Ever!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I was just browsing hotels in California and p*rn popped up in a sidebar on your website!”

Me: “I’m sorry that happened, ma’am, but we have no control over that.”

Customer: “Well you better get control over it quick!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re misunderstanding me. The advertisements on the side of your screen are based on your previous browsing history.”

Customer: “I would never go on a site like that!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but I’m just trying to explain the technical aspect of how they work. Being that I work at [Site], I am on our site quite a bit and because of that, all the advertisements on the side are for [Site].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, what do I do?”

Me: “I can walk you through how to get rid of them if you’d like.”

(I walked the customer through how to delete her cookies in her browser and she calmed down. She was very grateful for my help and stated that she was going to have some investigating to do with her husband and kids!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I’m calling to cancel my service because, you see, my wife is no longer with us. I haven’t been able to get into the account for some months now because, of course, I didn’t have her info.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. I’m sorry to hear that. Let me pull up your account.”

(In the background, I hear a woman’s voice.)

Woman: “Honey, where are the car keys!?”

Customer: “Shut up! You’re supposed to be dead!”

Woman: “WHAT!?” *click*

(A coworker from a different department calls through on behalf of a customer.)

Me: “How can I help today?”

Coworker: “Yes. Could you please cancel the policy for Maria.”

Me: “Do you have a policy number or last name so I can search it?”

Coworker: “No, I don’t! Why can’t you just search her name?!”

Me: “We’ll there are literally hundreds or Maria’s with policies. Do you have an address so I could narrow it down?”

Coworker: “No, I already told you! God, you are so incompetent! Why do you have to make this so difficult?”

Me: “Well, to be honest, all you’ve given me is a name. How do you expect me to find her within the hundreds of Marias that have insurance with this company?”

Coworker: “Never mind! Thanks for NOT helping!”

Me: “No problem…”

(A customer with the last name ‘Gay’ pops on my screen as I receive his call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

(As the customer asks questions about his bill and I answer, my obnoxious coworker looks over at the name on my screen.)

Coworker: “How can we help you today, Mr. Gay? You want to pay? What do you say? Yay or nay?”

(I give coworker a sign to shut up and continue the conversation until the caller is clear about his bill.)

Me: “Is there anything else we can do for you today, sir?”

Caller: “Fire that guy with the big mouth!”

Me: “Uh… Yes, sir.”

(When I told my coworker that Mr. Gay heard him his face turned red and he made it a point to keep his mouth in check from then on. It was the only time that day a customer WAS right.)