(I’m learning to drive and have been practicing, but my learner’s permit expired. In my state, the office that handles licenses is called the Department of Licensing or DoL. I’m on the bus on my way to the DoL to get my permit renewed, when two slightly bedraggled-looking middle-aged women board the bus.)

Woman #1: *to the bus driver* “How do I find the DoL?”

Bus Driver: “I don’t know where that is.”

Woman #1: “It’s somewhere on 132nd St. How do I get there?”

Bus Driver: “I don’t know where the DoL is. 132nd St. is a big street.”

Woman #1: “But how do I get there?!”

Bus Driver: “Well, 132nd St. is next to 134th St. They go in order…”

Me: *stepping in because I can tell this conversation is going nowhere* “I’m also going to the DoL. You can just get off at the stop where I get off.”

Woman #1 & Woman #2: “Thank you so much!”

(The women take a seat at the back of the bus, talking the whole time about where the DoL is and how to get there. When we get close to the stop, I wave to them, and they wave back casually, like they know what to do. I assume they have figured out where to go and don’t really need my help any more. I get off the bus and walk to the crosswalk, thinking that they will see me as soon as they get off the bus.)

Woman #1 and Woman #2: *exit the bus, immediately turn away from me, and start walking down the street quickly in the wrong direction*

(I don’t really want to get involved, but I realize that they will never find the DoL without my help.)

Me: *sigh* “Excuse me!”

Woman #1 and Woman #2: *walking quickly away, not hearing me*

Me: “Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!”

Woman #1 and Woman #2: *finally turning around, clueless looks on their faces* “Oh, hello!”

Me: “Um, did you still want to go to the DoL? The crosswalk is actually this way…”

Woman #2: “Oh, wow! We had no idea! Thanks again!”

Me: “No problem. Just be careful crossing here because people tend to take this corner too fast.”

(We get safely across the street and the DoL is right in front of us. I think that they must have figured it out by now because we can see other people arriving and entering the building.)

Woman #1 and Woman #2: *turning the wrong way AGAIN and beginning to walk around the back of the building*

Me: “Oh, um, I think the entrance is actually on this side…”

Woman #2: “Thank goodness you are here to help us! We would be walking around in circles all day if it weren’t for you!”

Me: *trying not to let my face show that I think she’s right*

Woman #1: “And that bus driver was no help at all! I couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t help me! He was so rude.”

Me: *knowing that it was mostly her fault for not asking the right questions, but wanting to be polite* “Well, maybe he couldn’t hear you clearly. That bus was pretty noisy.”

Woman #1: “Maybe you’re right. That’s good to put a positive spin on it. I need some more positive things in my day.”

Me: “Well, I think we all do.”

(At this point we finally entered the DoL. The women were so grateful for my help that they let me go in front of them in line, and later when I left they both waved and smiled at me. I have no idea how they thought they could find their way on their own, but I’m glad I could add something positive to their day. I just hope they got home all right!)

(My friend and I are taking the bus home from classes. We had been talking about random things when my friend points out a tiny child smiling at us. She talks about being a devoted mother in the future while I would rather adopt older children, if any.)

Friend: *sighs wistfully* “I want babies.”

Me: *also sighs wistfully* “I don’t.”

(I’m waiting for my bus and notice that a piece of graffiti that I saw a week or two ago on the glass of the bus stop shelter is still there. Since I’ve been able to get rid of similar graffiti by just wiping it off, I try to do the same with this. I use my coat sleeve and work on rubbing it away while I listen to music on my MP3 player. Smoking isn’t allowed within 20 feet of the shelter; but most people, including a man who stands nearby to wait for the same bus, do so anyway. The bus arrives, so I stop my cleaning and the man who was smoking and I get on.)

Bus Driver: *says something, but I can’t make it out through my earbuds*

(I assume he asked me to swipe my monthly pass, so I do so and then find a vacant seat. Once I’m seated I’m surprised to see that the bus driver has gotten up and followed me back. I remove my earbuds so I can hear what’s wrong.)

Bus Driver: “Don’t tag my bus.”

Me: “Huh?”

Bus Driver: “Did you tag the bus stop just now?”

Me: “No, sir. I was trying to wipe it off.”

Bus Driver: “I saw you tag it.”

Me: “Sir, I was trying to clean graffiti off of it.”

(The bus driver goes over to the man who had been smoking near the bus shelter.)

Bus Driver: “Did he tag it?”

Man: *shakes his head emphatically*

Bus Driver: *scowls at me before sitting back in his seat*

Guy Sitting Beside Me: “Don’t worry, man. He’s been in a bad mood the entire ride.”

(My friend and I are riding a bus back to our hotel from the convention center in LA, where a large anime convention is being held. I’m playfully teasing my friend about one of her favorite characters who has some feminine qualities and happens to have control over plants, just because it annoys her so much. I’m sitting next to the open window.)

Me: “He couldn’t be any gayer. He takes his hood off and pink flower petals rain all over the place.”

Friend: “He is not! He’s gorgeous and I have dibs!”

Me: “Gay.”

(The bus passes under some low hanging palm trees and a palm frond snaps through the open window, slaps me in the face, and goes back out. The bus driver pulls over as everyone stares in shock and checks to see that I’m okay. Once we get moving again, I turn to my friend.)

Me: “I just got b**** slapped by your fake boyfriend…”

Friend: “Serves you right.”

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(My friend and I have been up to London for the day on the train. Unfortunately, due to engineering works, part of our journey home involves using a rail replacement bus as the line is closed. The driver does not seem familiar with the area and takes a couple of wrong turns.)

Me: *to friend* “I’m sure we’ve done this bit of road before.”

(This goes on for a bit. At the back of the bus, a group of young “chavs” (who wear designer clothes, lots of “bling,” and act slightly loutish) are loudly talking. Everyone is ignoring them as they are not really causing any problems. Eventually, we end up on the same road for the third time. Two of the chavs, one shirtless and one wearing a hoodie, stand up.)

Hoodie Chav: “The driver’s lost!”

Shirtless Chav: “Let’s sort ‘im out.”

(My friend and I expect a big screaming match, as both chavs are a bit drunk. However…)

Shirtless Chav: *to driver* “You OK, mate?”

Hoodie Chav: “Are you looking for [Railway Station]?”

Driver: “Uh, yeah…”

Shirtless Chav: “If you take [Road], then [Other Road], continue, you’ll get there.”

Driver: “Thanks!”

(The two chavs stay by the driver, giving directions until we finally get to the station to rejoin our train. Just shows you shouldn’t make assumptions based on attire!)