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Someone Needs To Be Neutered

| Romantic | November 10, 2016

(I’m volunteering at an animal shelter which is having a big adoption event. I’m helping direct traffic. This guy is smiling through the whole conversation.)

Me: “Hi, if you don’t mind just parking over here in this lot, that would be great!”

Old Man: “What’s going on?”

Me: “We’re having a big adoption event today for dogs and cats!”

Old Man: “Are you on the adoption list?”

Me: *thinking he means to ask if I host foster animals* “Oh, no, I already have plenty!”

Old Man: “No. Think about what I said.”

Me: *realizes what he actually means* “Just go park over there…”

Old Man: “Think about it.”

Me: “Just go park.”

(Later I’m telling an actual employee about this:)

Employee: “Ew! I hope you spat on him!”

Inside-Out Cat

, , , , | Related | September 23, 2016

(I am a volunteer cat caretaker at a local animal shelter. Essentially I clean up, groom, and feed all rescued kitties and try to talk folk into adopting them. On this day a man and daughter are coo-ing over one of our recently arrived kittens that I’ve let out into the play area.)

Daughter: “Ooooh, daddy this one is so precious! And look, she loves me!” *the kitten is indeed licking her hand, purring, and rubbing its face against her* “Are you sure we can’t get another cat?”

Dad: “No, dear, not after what happened with the last one. I don’t want to have to replace the microwave again!”

(The daughter looked pouty and left with her father. I immediately put the kitten safely back in its cage and try not to shudder at the possible connotations of what was just said.)


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Adopting A Bad Attitude

| Working | September 19, 2016

(It is less than a month after one of my cats has died. My remaining cat, who is elderly and has never been without a companion a day in her life, falls into a deep depression from loneliness, so I start looking into adopting an older cat to keep her company. I find an older male that I like in a local shelter and fill out an application for him. Two weeks later I still haven’t heard back from them and after a phone call goes unanswered, I assume either my application was rejected or he was adopted by someone else. I look elsewhere and end up adopting an elderly pair that belonged to an owner who passed away. Three months afterwards I get a phone call from a volunteer at the shelter.)

Volunteer: “Hey, I’m looking at your application and I was wondering if you were still interested in the cat?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, it’s been months and I thought my application was rejected. I adopted two cats from another shelter already.”

Volunteer: “Can’t you still take him? He gets along with other cats really well.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I already had a cat before adopting them. Three is my limit and I don’t have the means to care for a fourth.”

Volunteer: *suddenly angry* “So you just don’t care about the cat anymore, then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Volunteer: “If you changed your mind and decided you didn’t want the cat, you should have called and told us. You’ve just wasted our time! We could have found him a home with someone else!”

Me: “I beg your pardon, but I applied for the cat months ago. I didn’t so much as get an email from you and no one even bothered to return the call I left. I feel bad for the cat, but I really can’t take him now. Maybe I would have if you actually contacted me in a timely manner.”

Volunteer: “Don’t bother trying to adopt from us again. I’m barring you from our shelter.” *hangs up*

(I was stunned, so I went onto the shelter’s website, found contact information, and emailed the owner directly. She later got back to me with an apology and promised that I could still adopt from them in the future if I so please. Apparently the reason it took months to get back to me was because the volunteer, who turned out to be her adult son, lost most of the applications, including mine, which ended up costing several cats potential homes. On the positive side, all three of my cats are inseparable friends.)

Was Animally Attracted To The Job

| Working | September 19, 2016

(I have been looking for a job for quite a long time, so I am thrilled to get a call from the pet shelter I’d applied to. They advertised for a part-time receptionist who would also be responsible for booking appointments and arranging birthday parties at the shelter. I love animals, and think this will be perfect.)

Interviewer: “You’ll be expected to assist with euthanizing animals on a regular basis once they’re past their ‘adopt-by’ dates.”

Me: “Um… there must be some mistake. I applied for the part-time receptionist position.”

Interviewer: “That’s correct.”

Me: “The job posting didn’t mention anything about euthanizing animals, though?” *thinking: If it had, I would never have applied.*

Interviewer: “I realize that, but we’ve found that if we include that in our ad, no-one will apply.”

Me: “I see… How often would I be expected to do that?” *hoping against hope that the answer will be very rarely.*

Interviewer: “Probably at least a couple of times a day. In fact, that’s mostly what this position will entail.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry for wasting your time, but I don’t think this job will be a good fit for me.”

(I really needed a job, but I wouldn’t have been able to look my cat in the eye if I’d taken that one. Luckily, I found employment elsewhere a month later.)

Animal Control Out Of Control

| Right | September 16, 2016

(A woman whose dog adoption I handled a few days prior is coming back to return the dog. Our return policy allows for refund or exchange within two weeks only if the animal has a life-threatening illness. This policy is covered, in detail, with every adopter. As I’m helping another customer on the next workstation, I hear my coworker struggling to maintain composure with an increasingly irate customer. I finish the transaction I’m on and hear the magic words:)

Customer: “Let me speak to your supervisor.”

(I turn and address the customer.)

Me: “Hi, I’m the Adoptions Lead. How can I help you?”

(She explains the same thing she’s been telling my coworker.)

Customer: “I have four dogs at home already and did not know that was the legal limit for the area. The police came to my home for something unrelated and told me I had to get rid of my new dog. I want a refund for my adoption fee!”

(She even breaks down into hysterical crying, which she’d also done with my coworker.)

Me: “Ma’am, what my coworker here has already told you is correct. This does not fall within the refund policy. It is your responsibility as a pet owner to know the laws before taking a new pet into your home.”

Customer: “But YOU PEOPLE sell the animals! I told you how many dogs I had at home and you still adopted one out to me anyway. You should have known better! You should know the animal regulations!”

Me: “Ma’am, first off, it is not our responsibility to know all the animal regulations of all the various cities and regions around here. It is always the consumer’s responsibility to make sure they are legal. We have adopters who come here from all over the state. I’ve had adopters from as much as four hours away, as well as out-of-state adopters. We couldn’t possibly know the regulations for all these areas. Secondly, we do contract with [City where the shelter is located] for animal control services, so we do know the guidelines for [City]. However, you do not live in [City].”

Customer: “But I’m just in [Town next to ours]! You should know the regulations for [Town]! You should have a book listing each nearby town and their animal regulations!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s never going to happen. It is always the consumer’s responsibility and not ours.”

(She continued to argue with me over seller’s responsibility versus buyer’s, until I tell her:)

Me: “Look, we’re not going to agree on this, but we really don’t have to. All I can do for you right now is submit your request to the manager in charge of financials, who is off for the next two days, and see what he decides. Until then, you need to GO HOME, and wait for a response on his decision.”

Customer: “I’m not going to go home; I’m going to go to my lawyer!”

Me: “That’s your prerogative, ma’am. Have a great day.”

(She blows up a few more times over the wording of the request we sent to the manager.)

Customer: “This makes it sound like it’s my fault!”

Me: “Ma’am, this has been written out exactly the way you told it to us”

Customer: “Well, I want you to put in there that the police came out and said I had to return the dog”

Me: “It does say that”

Customer: “But it doesn’t say they gave me a written warning!”.

(Then she started crying at the desk for a few minutes. I was worried we’d have to call the police to remove her, but she finally left. After she left, a coworker told me she knew the lady’s ex-husband. The ex said she’d adopted the dog in an attempt to get her teenage son to spend more time with her instead of at his dad’s house. When that didn’t work, she called her ex and told him to come get “his son’s dog.” He replied that it was her dog and she’d have to take care of it. She threatened to set the dog loose on the street. He told her no, she had to either care for the dog, or take it back to the shelter. He said the police were never involved, which had never made any sense anyway, since police don’t really know enough about animal codes to enforce animal limit — they leave that to animal control.)