About To Swear Like A Sailor

(I live in a college city with a harbor. Sometimes Navy vessels dock, and sailors get leave to come ashore for a while. I am in a college bar [a pickup joint, really], having drinks with a girl from my study group. She’s cuter than I am and gets jealous if any guy talks to me, often stealing the guy for the evening and then NOT going home with him. I figure if they’re stupid enough to abandon the girl who’s a seven for an eight, then they don’t deserve to get lucky. A group of sailors walks in and the cutest one starts talking to me. He’s made it clear that he’s looking for sex because he’s going to be on a ship for many months. I decide that I will do my civic duty and accommodate the young man. I don’t tell him, because I want him to work for it for a while, but I give clear signals that I am receptive. My companion does her jealous girl thing and steals the guy I was talking to. He gladly abandons me for the skinnier, cuter girl who is coming on to him, without knowing that she’s a total tease. I watch them dancing and drinking for several hours. He’s getting desperate because he has to be back on his ship before seven am. We go to leave and he puts his arms around my friend’s waist and pulls her close.)

Sailor Guy: *whispering something*

(My jealous friend smiles and strokes his face with her finger.)

Jealous Friend: “I’m not that kind of girl.”

(He looks horrified. As I pass by him I say this:)

Me: *looking him in the eye* “You picked the wrong girl.”

(He looked even more horrified realizing that he made a huge mistake and lost out on the chance to get naked with a female for an extended period of time.)