Some People Take Even A Polite “No” As Hostility

For the last fifteen years or so, I’ve worked in a niche field that unfortunately doesn’t have a lot of jobs near my hometown. As a permanent relocation wasn’t viable for me, this meant that a good chunk of my career was spent working away from home during the week and returning at the weekends.

During one such spell, my partner became seriously ill, and I was desperate to find a new job near my home. I was even prepared to take a pretty significant income drop to make it happen, so I applied for everything. Eventually, I found a company that told me they were forming a new satellite office thirty minutes from my home, and they offered me a role as part of that team, as well, as a promise that they were committed to growing our service in the region.

Sadly, that commitment manifested as complete disinterest and zero support to actually grow the business. When a key client was lost, they started to wind down our presence and did a number of shady things to get rid of people or redeploy them.

One manager in particular was a bully and a hypocrite who would refuse commissions away from her own home but thought nothing about doing that to other people without talking to them.

One day, my colleague suddenly swore while reading their emails and called me over.

Colleague: “Hey, you really need to see this email. You won’t believe what [Nasty Manager] is up to.”

My colleague had been accidentally copied into an email from [Nasty Manager] discussing a number of new opportunities. One of them specifically mentioned a role that would redeploy me from my current office to a location four hours away, full-time, and for a minimum duration of six months.

I asked my colleague to forward me the email, and then I replied to [Nasty Manager]. I explained that whilst I would be happy to support occasional travel and provide remote support, I couldn’t and wouldn’t accept a commission such as this. Not only would it not suit my personal circumstances, but I could make more money by going back to contracting with the same work/life balance they were proposing, so there was no professional or financial incentive for me, either. They responded with a slightly apologetic and conciliatory message and told me not to worry about it. I thought that was the end of it, but no.

A few weeks later, my line manager and I visited [Nasty Manager]’s office for an afternoon, and whilst everything was okay during the visit, I did notice that the two of them disappeared into an office for a while. I wouldn’t have really thought about it were it not for the conversation I had with my line manager in the taxi returning from the visit.

Line Manager: “I want you to know that I am extremely disappointed with you.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Line Manager: “[Nasty Manager] just told me about that email exchange you had about one of her opportunities. You should have told me about it so that I could deal with it for you.”

Me: “I suppose I could have mentioned it, but it happened before you were appointed as my line manager, and it never occurred to me to bring it up because it had been dealt with.”

Line Manager: “Even so, you should have told me! Also, I’ve been told you were very hostile.”

Me: “Well, for the last several years, I have worked as an independent contractor. I’m accustomed to dealing with things myself, and the issue had been dealt with, so I saw no need. I’m sorry that they felt I was hostile, but I was just trying to be clear that there is no circumstance under which I would accept a redeployment like that — although, to be honest, I was pretty angry at being put forward for it without a prior discussion when they know my circumstances. I’m sorry if that came across inappropriately, but they seemed fine at the time. I didn’t know they were upset.”

Line Manager: “Even so, I am disappointed.”

Me: “Okay, well, if it happens again, I’ll include you before I do anything.”

At that, they pretty much just scoffed, and the rest of the taxi ride was spent in uncomfortable silence. On the plus side, I left the job not long after, as the work completely dried up.