(I work in a store that carries all kinds of DVDs, from G-rated all the way up to X and everything in-between. A boy, no older than 12, brings a soft-core p*rnography DVD up to my register.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell this to you.”

Boy: “Why not?!”

Me: “It’s inappropriate for someone of your age.”

Boy: “My mom said I could have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I still can’t sell it to you.”

(The boy storms out of the store.)

Co-worker: “Can you believe that?  Like his mom really said he could have that!”

Me: “I know. Either he’s lying, or his mom only said he could have it because she doesn’t know what it’s about.”

(Shortly thereafter the boy returns to the store with his mom. His mom stomps around the store, gets the DVD, and slams it down in front of me.)

Mom: “I can’t believe I had to get out of the car for this!  You should have just sold it to him! He told you that I said he could have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I can’t sell that video to anyone under the age of 18.”

Mom: “Why not? Discrimination?”

Me: “Not at all. It just contains things that most people feel is inappropriate for a child to see.”

(The mom picks up the DVD and examines it for the first time. She looks at the front and then starts reading the back. The more she reads, the wider her eyes get. All of a sudden she drops the DVD and starts spanking her son’s butt. She drags him out of the store by his arm.)

Boy: “But mom, you said I could have it!”

Mom: “I didn’t know what it was about! I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I almost bought you p*rn!”

(I’m having a particularly bad day. Customer #1 is a male in his 40’s while Customer #2 is a female in her 20’s.)

Customer #1: *waving a book in my face* “I want my godd*** money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have your receipt, sir?”

Customer #1: “No. But you’re giving me my money back, you stupid wh***! You have no right to defy me!”

Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, but the best I can do without a receipt is store credit.”

Customer #1:” No, the best you will do is money! M-U-N-N-Y. Get it? I got this book because I never finished reading it in high school, and it sucks!”

(At this point, the Customer #2, the customer in line behind him, speaks up. She’s over a foot shorter than the male customer.)

Customer #2: “Congratulations, numb nuts. At 40, you finally made it through a high school level book, and you still can’t spell ‘money’.”

Customer #1: *wheeling around* “How dare you?! Do you know who I am?”

Customer #2: *dryly* “Someone who never figured out how to work a breath mint?”

Customer #1: *leering down at her* “Who do you think you are?”

Customer #2: *sounding bored* “I am so displeased to meet you.”

Customer #1: *spluttering* “How da—the nerve, I mean—really!”

(He grabs his book and storms off.)

Me: *laughing* “Wow. That was hilarious.”

Customer #2: *joking* “He can’t words good. I bet that happens a lot, yea?”

Me: “More than anybody would like. What can I help you with?”

Customer #2: “I have an exchange. Got the wrong edition, you know. But, I do have my receipt.”

(Customer #2 ended up getting hired at our store about a month later!)

(I am an assistant manager, and I am handing over a particularly difficult customer to my manager. At our store, all refunds over a certain amount must be returned in the manner they were paid for.)

Me: “This customer here would like a refund for these items, but she does not have her card with her. I explained that we have to refund the items to her card, but she keeps asking for store credit.”

Manager: *to the customer* “She’s right, ma’am. All refunds must be returned in the form we received the payment. Do you have your card with you?”

Customer: “I think it is rude that she is assuming that I am asking you to refund my items. She did not even let me ask you the question I wanted to ask!”

Manager: “I’m sorry. What is your question?”

Customer: “Can I exchange, not refund, these items for a store credit?”

Manager: “That is still considered a refund, so no. I’m sorry we cannot help you unless you have your card.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t take these groceries back now! They’re not the same as when I walked in!”

Manager: “…Not the same?”

Customer: “They are spiritually damaged, and I cannot eat them. That girl stole their spirit!”

(A woman comes in and appears clean and normal. She hands my coworker a plastic bag.)

Customer: “Could you be a dear and throw this away? I hate having trash in my car.”

Coworker: “Sure…”

(As my coworker takes the bag, which isn’t sealed, stuff leaks all over her desk. She leans down to examine it, and it is vomit.)

Customer: “That is disgusting! You spilled my vomit all over your desk. I should have your boss fire you for making me feel sick all over again!” *storms off*

(My coworker is speaking with a customer about her bill.)

Customer: “There is no reason why my bill is $250 this month. I can’t afford that, and I can’t have my phone turned off, you need to explain this to me. My bill should be $90.”

Coworker: *addresses customer by name* “You come in here every month about your bill being high, and I explain it to you every month.”

Customer: “Well explain it to me again.”

Coworker: “You have a plan for X minutes and you exceeded those minutes by Y amount of minutes, causing the $160 worth of overages. What I can do is give you Plan Z which covers all of the minutes you use, and your monthly bill would be $120 every month. I can even backdate it to cover this bill.”

Customer: “And I told you last month, I can’t change my f***ing plan to $120, because I can’t f***ing afford my bill to be over $100 each f***ing month!”

(My manager hears the commotion and comes over.)

Manager: “I couldn’t help but hear your language, and while I appreciate that you are frustrated, I am going to have to ask you to clean up your language while you are here. Maybe I can help… what is making you so upset?”

Customer: “My bill is too expensive every month, and I try to get it fixed every month and he…” *points at coworker* “…never helps me!”

Manager: “Let me take a look.” *looks over account* “I see that you have some overage charges in here.”

Customer: “Yes. My bill should only be $90.”

Manager: “There’s an easy solution that would make it so that you wouldn’t have to pay $250 every month. If you change to Plan Z, it would cover all the minutes you use, and you would be saving $130 each month by only paying $120 instead of $250.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer storms out of the store.)