(My four-year-old daughter is leafing through one of our DVD books, looking for a movie.)

Me: “Why don’t you look in your DVD book for a movie?”

Daughter: “No, I want the one I watched with Daddy, with the…” *makes a motion like firing a gun*

Me: “Gun? Um, okay, what else did it have?”

Daughter: “Humans.”

Me: “Guns and humans…that doesn’t really narrow it down. What else?”

Daughter: “Trees, and blue suits.”

Me: *taking a wild leap of logic* “GI Joe?”

Daughter: “Yes!” *starts singing* “GI Joe, GI Joe, GI Jooooooe!”

(I am a girl. I am hanging out at home with my gay brother and our mom. My brother and I consider ourselves best friends, or sometimes ‘frenemies.’ I happen to really hate shopping.)

Brother: “Hey, we really should go shopping for a prom dress for you tomorrow.”

Me: “Ugh, do we have to?”

Mom: “You know he’s gay when he wants to go shopping more than you do.”

Brother: “If it weren’t for me, you’d be a mess.”

Me: “I know. Every girl needs a gay friend.”

Mom: “That’s why I married your father!”

Dad: *from the kitchen* “I heard that!”

(My wife, born and raised in Miami, had been telling neighbors and new acquaintances where she is from for a couple of years. Naturally, our daughter had overheard this many times.)

Friend: “Oh, did I mention that I am going on vacation?”

Wife: “Oh? Where to?”

Friend: “Miami.”

Daughter: “No! It’s Mommy’s-ami!”

(We are at the Highland Games, and, contrary to most other years, it is a rainy, overcast weekend. We were seated in a good location on the side of the field. Just beyond the end of the field was the bottom of a mountain. The weather started to change, and soon the clouds had closed between the field and the up-thrust of the land. )

Me: *to my wife* “Look. The mountain’s gone.”

Daughter: *overhearing me* “How did they do that, daddy?!”

(I work in a Dinosaur park. On this particular day, I am stationed next to an Allosaurus, a carnivorous dinosaur. An old man and his granddaughter walks by).

Old man: *pointing to the dinosaur* “See that one? That’s the one that ate your grandmother.”