A Punky-Dory Christmas

| ON, Canada | Related | February 22, 2012

(I’m out with my Mom and Grandmother. We are shopping during the Christmas season.)

Grandma: “Oh, look at that young lady’s festive jacket and hair! It’s got Christmas decorations on it.”

(Mom and I turn to see a stereotypical punk girl. She has colourful patches all over her jacket. Her hair is red, though.)

Me: “No, Grandma. She’s being punk, not in the Christmas spirit.”

Grandma: “And see, that’s why you’re here. I would have gone over to her and raved about her coat asked her where she got all of the decorations.”

Her Argument Carries More Weight

| Burnaby, BC, Canada | Related | February 22, 2012

(For a family reunion, I’m meeting my four-year-old niece for the first time. I’m slightly overweight but still wear tight jeans and t-shirts. She lifts up my t-shirt to show my belly.)

Niece: “There’s a baby in there!”

Me: “No, that’s called ‘jiggly bits’.”

Niece: “Baby!”

(Her ten-year-old sister collapses in fits of laughter, and doesn’t let me forget about this for the rest of the week.)

Karma Is More Than Skin Deep

| San Diego, CA, USA | Related | February 21, 2012

(My sister and I are talking in the kitchen. I like to think I’m not superficial, but my sister has taken issue with the looks of the guy I am into.)

Sister: “Of course his mother likes you. All the ugly boys’ moms want their sons to marry pretty girls.”

Me: “I can’t believe you just said that! How rude!”

Sister: “I just don’t want to be embarrassed to introduce my potential brother-in-law to people.”

(My brother walks in at that exact moment, without knowing what we’re talking about.)

Brother: “Yeah, well imagine how we feel. We have to introduce you to people all the time!”

Looks Like Thriller

| MN, USA | Related | February 21, 2012

(My parents are discussing birthdays and ages.)

Dad: “Well, you’re two years older than Michael Jackson!”

Mom: “He’s dead!”

(She giggles.)

Mom: “I’m two years older than dead!”

For Valentine’s: Card, Flowers, Two Thousand Tons Of Marble

| NY, USA | Related | February 21, 2012

(I am in my room, wondering what to do with my girlfriend on Valentine’s. I am also majoring in architecture.)

Dad: “You’re pretty quiet today.”

Me: “Yeah, I am wondering what to do on Valentine’s.”

Dad: “Build her a Taj Mahal.”

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