(I am driving with my grandmother. She spots a sign for ‘The Habit’, a burger joint)
Grandmother: “Oh! I wonder where that is.”
Me: “It looks like it’s right there.”
(I point in the general direction.)
Grandmother: “Oh! There’s The Hobbit!”
Me: “Its Habit, not Hobbit.”
Grandmother: “Oh, so it’s not the movie?”
(My six-year-old daughter is the last one in her grade to still have all of her baby teeth. )
Daughter: “Mom, am I ever going to lose a tooth?”
Me: “I promise you, you will.”
Daughter: “But WHEN?!”
Me: “I don’t know, but probably soon.”
Daughter: “I think it’s never going to happen. I think all of my teeth have their seatbelts on, and they are tightly fastened!”
(I have just gotten into anime and manga.)
Me: “I’ve been reading manga, dad. It’s really interesting.”
Dad: “Isn’t that for people who can’t read that well?”
Me: “Actually, you have to be able to read pretty well to follow it.”
(He has the assumption that all manga is about ‘demons and ritual sacrifice’. I’m trying to describe the manga I’ve been reading.)
Me: “So, it’s about two brothers—”
Dad: “Ah ha! And I’ll bet one sacrifices the other!”
Me: “—and they’re trying to bring back their mother through alchemy—”
Dad: “Ah ha! Alchemy! And one sacrifices the other for the mother?”
Me: “No, dad. Anyway, it goes wrong, and one loses his leg while the other loses his body—”
Dad: “See? Sacrifice!”
Me: “—so the remaining brother sacrifices his arm to attach his brother’s soul to some armor—”
Dad: “See? Sacrifice and alchemy!”
(I stop trying to explain.)
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Me: “Dad!”
(There’s no answer.)
Me: *sigh* “Sis, can you get dad for me?”
Sister: “Why do I have to do it? Why can’t YOU do it?”
Me: “Because I’m keeping an eye on this massive spider back here.”
Sister: *bolts to get dad*
(My dad is pouring himself a cup of tea.)
Dad: “Ah, s***.”
(I look over as he pours the water back into the kettle.)
Me: “You never actually turned the kettle on, did you?”
