Parrot Tries To Return A Chicken

A customer walks up to the customer service desk and slams a frozen chicken on the counter.

Customer: “I need a refund on this chicken!”

Me: “May I ask why, ma’am?”

Customer: “It tastes awful!”

Me: “It’s frozen… and still in its packaging.”

Customer: “I had the same one at a friend’s dinner and it tasted awful. I don’t want to use mine anymore.”

I take a closer look at the chicken.

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we don’t even sell this brand. We sell [Other Brand].”

Customer: “No, I got it here.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s impossible, ma’am. We don’t sell this brand.”

Customer: “No, I got it here.”

I call my manager, as when the customer starts repeating their falsehoods like a broken record, I know it’s not going anywhere. Thankfully my manager arrives in two minutes.

Manager: “What is the issue here?”

Customer: “I want a refund on this chicken.”

Manager: *A lot quicker than I am.* “We don’t sell that brand of chicken. I believe Costco does.”

Customer: *Again, just repeating themselves.* “I want a refund on this chicken.”

Manager: “Then take it to Costco, ma’am.”

Customer: “I would hate to write you a bad review online about this!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I literally cannot refund this chicken. Our registers would not accept it.”

Customer: “You sell chickens! I am returning a chicken! I don’t see what the problem is! I would hate to write you a bad review online about this!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you saying you want a refund over and over does not change the fact that we do… not… sell… this… chicken.”

Customer: “I would hate to write you a bad review online about this! I am a regular reviewer on both Google and Facebook!”

My manager hands the customer a small card.

Customer: “What are you doing?” 

Manager: “Giving you the email for the store! Please send the link to us when you complain online. The comments are going to be gold!”