Me: “Hun, if I got bitten by a zombie what would you do?”
Boyfriend: “That depends; are you a rotting pile of flesh, or like a virus goes-crazy-but-is-still-alive kind?”
Me: “Let’s go with the virus.”
Boyfriend: “Then I would tie you to my bed and muzzle you, so that you can’t hurt me, and I can cuddle you every night and still love you.”
Me: “Aww. When you said tie me to your bed, I totally thought you were going somewhere else with that.”
Boyfriend: “Yeah…”
(After reading the “Till Undeath Do Us Part” stories here, I decide to ask my boyfriend the question. We’re both male.)
Me: “Random question: What would you do if there is a zombie apocalypse and I got bit?”
Boyfriend: “I would let you bite me.”
Me: “Really?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah. I think it can cause distance in our relationship if only one of us is enjoying eating people.”
(I’m heading north to spend the weekend with my parents. My boyfriend lives in a town near an Armed Forces base, whereas I live outside of Toronto. Our conversation shifts to zombies.)
Me: “So what happens when the zombie apocalypse occurs? Are you going to save me?”
Boyfriend: “Might be a little difficult given our proximity to each other.”
Me: “Meh. I think you’ll have more of the issue than I will, being near the base. With my luck, I’ll be up north when it strikes so I won’t have to deal with crazy Torontonians trying to head out.”
Boyfriend: “Yes, but what will you do when you’re up there?”
Me: “Pfft. They have an artesian well nearby. Fresh water source!”
Boyfriend: “So, you’ll have the water source, but what about the food? It’s not like you know how to hunt or anything.”
Me: “Um, hello! Pond nearby, and there are farms. Problem solved.”
Boyfriend: “Why not just come to me? I’ll look after us.”
Me: “Riiight, like travelling on the 401 won’t be an issue at all with all of the zombified cars scattered about.”
Boyfriend: “Who said anything about driving? Head down to Lake Ontario and boat across.”
Me: “I don’t own a boat.”
Boyfriend: “You are in a time of war. Anarchy abounds. You would steal the boat.”
Me: “So, I’d somehow manage to get to the lake, then steal a boat. What kind of boat?”
Boyfriend: “Does it matter? Get a boat. Then come to me. I will look after us.”
Me: “I dunno. With you being near the base, I don’t think stealing a boat and getting across is going to be so easy. Besides, won’t the zombies be all around the base?”
Boyfriend: “No, but it’ll be a target because of its weapon cache. Still, it may be the safest place for us.”
Me: “So, I’m to somehow steal a boat, and casually get it across the lake, avoiding the base and all of the personnel with the hovercrafts, airplanes and whatnot? Right. No problem. I’ll be right on that.”
Boyfriend: “It is the only logical answer.”
Me: “We are so pooched should there be a zombie apocalypse.”
(I’ve just finished reading the latest ’till undeath do us part’, and have decided to ask my partner the question. We’re both male.)
Me: “What would you do if I got bitten by a zombie?”
Partner: “Well, first I’d amputate where you got bit to try and save you.”
Me: “You know that wouldn’t work, right?”
Partner: “But it worked in The Walking Dead.”
Me: “You can’t sew; I’d bleed to death. You just wanted to sound caring for Not Always Romantic, didn’t you?”
Partner: *sheepish grin*
(I’m sitting on the couch with my husband, and decide to ask him the zombie question.)
Me: “What would you do if I became a zombie?”
Husband: “I would kill you: no questions.”
(I am amazed and horrified he has such a quick answer.)
Husband: “You’re a really slow runner, and you would end up killing me!”
Me: “So you wouldn’t even keep me as a pet? Remove my jaw and arms, and feed me every now and then?”
Husband: “Well, maybe. If I turned into a zombie first, then I would eat you and we can terrorise everyone in slow motion for the rest of our lives.”
Me: “So… either way you will kill me?”
Husband: “Yep!” *big grin, kisses me and bounces away*
