Not Sooted To That Service

(A customer calls asking if we would come and inspect her chimney, as there is ‘an animal’ inside it ‘scratching around.’)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re not equipped to do that. If you like, I can suggest a local exterminator. Once the animal is gone, we’d be thrilled to come by and find how it’s been getting into your chimney and plug up the hole.”

Caller: “No, you’ve come out here and done this before. A couple times. I know you guys do this.”

Me: “Ma’am, we just don’t have any resources to remove live animals from chimneys.”

Caller: “But, if you come sweep it, won’t the animal come out? Like, when you clean?”

Me: “Well, yes, it may, but, if it comes out, it will be in your living room and it will be very angry and covered in soot.”

Caller: “Oh. What was that other place you mentioned again?”