No-Fees Cheese Please

(I work at a wine-tasting room that offers a cheese plate to pair with the wine. There is also a boutique.)

Customer: “This card is five dollars? Is there anything cheaper? That’s so expensive. I really need a card for my sister-in-law.”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, they are all around five dollars.”

Customer: “Ugh, okay, I’ll get it, anyway. Um, is there any way I could get a cheese plate for free? You wouldn’t do that, would you? For free? Free cheese?” *points outside to her previously-purchased cheese plate* “My friend gave all of our cheese to the people next to us.”

Me: “Um, if you wanted another full plate it would be $6, but if you just wanted… a couple pieces… I could do that for you.”

Customer: “Oh, my Lord! God bless you; thank you so much!”

(I bring her a generous plate of cheese, considering how desperate she seems.)

Customer: “Oh, let me save you a plate!” *throws the cheese into the gift bag I just wrapped her “expensive” card in and happily walks away*

(My coworker and I exchanged confused looks. The customer sat back down outside and chatted with her friend for another fifteen minutes, in the 95-degree weather.)