(I’m on a Landscape Lighting service call with another one of our technicians. We’re going back to a recent install to add more lights along the driveway. Talking to the client, we get more info on what he’s looking for.)

Client: “Yeah, I’d like more lights along the driveway so I can see to reverse my car at night.”

Service Tech: “That’s not a problem. We can have them added and running in a couple hours.”

Client: “Thanks, it’ll make a big difference. I like to think I’m better at reversing. I find it so much easier.”

(We get to work and the client leaves while we’re working. Note, we’ve parked our van in his driveway. We finish up and are sitting in the van filling in the paperwork.)

Me: “So, we put in four of the—”

(There is a loud thud as the van jolts.)

Client: *coming up to the driver’s window* “Sorry, I just backed into your van…”

(It is slow at work and two coworkers and I are just chatting to pass the time as there is nothing left to do before the ending of our shift.)

Female Coworker: ”So, you guys want to see a picture of my cat?”

(She proceeds to pull out her cellphone and shows us pictures of said cat.)

Me: ”Awww, cute!”

Female Coworker: ”Yeah… he’s dead.”

Me: ”Wait… what!? Dead in the picture? No kidding?”

Female Coworker: ”Yeah, here’s a picture of my daughter crying next to him.”

(The picture showed her crying daughter posing for the camera alongside the dead animal. The other coworker and I looked at each other in disbelief.)

(Our history teacher’s last name translates to ‘bumblebee’. We’re discussing the political effects of the reformation when a girl jumps up and squeals, startling everyone.)

Teacher: “[Girl], you seem to be excited to answer the question.”

Girl: “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention; there was a wasp near me.”

Teacher: “Just leave it alone and focus on the class. It won’t bother you.”

Girl: “Well, I figured a wasp is more of a danger to me right now than a bumblebee.”

Teacher: “That’s what you think!”

(A ninth grade class is visiting my lab. Although we study bacterial genetics, the class has been asking the researchers questions about many topics.)

Student #1: “Is it true that [Famous Scientist] works here?”

Researcher #1: “He used to, but that was a long time ago, before he got the Nobel Prize.”

Student #2: “Why is it called a ‘noble’ prize?”

Researcher #1: “It’s named after Alfred Nobel.”

Student #1: “Why’d he get to make a prize?”

Researcher #2: “Oh, I can answer that.”

(The second researcher launches into a ten-minute talk about Alfred Nobel’s life and how the discovery of dynamite lead to the founding of the prize. After he’s done…)

Student #1: “How does dynamite work?”

Teacher: “All right, all right. You’re supposed to be here for biology class. These people study bacteria, so ask them questions about that!”

(Long silence.)

Student #3: “Is it true fingernails are made of hair?”

(I’m lying in bed with my girlfriend when she suddenly climbs onto my chest.)

Girlfriend: “Why don’t guys have boobs?”

Me: “What!?”

Girlfriend: “It’s unfair. You always grope mine but there’s nothing for me to grab!”

Me: “…”