You Need Betta Friends

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

(I have a cat, a 50-gallon saltwater aquarium, and a 5-gallon aquarium containing only a single betta fish, who is the pride of my fish collection. A family emergency requires me to be away from home unexpectedly for a month, so I call in what I think is a trusted friend to watch my pets and my house for me while I’m away. On my way home, I get a text from said friend.)

Friend: “I got you a surprise! I can’t wait until you see it when you get back!”

(I arrive back at home and find, to my horror, that my house is trashed, my cat is missing, the heater to the saltwater aquarium has been unplugged, and most of the fish have subsequently died in the cold winter weather. My betta is dead and there is another one in his tank that has badly shredded fins, indicating that they have fought to the death. Furious, and frantically searching for my cat, I call my friend over.)

Me: “What the h*** happened?! Most of my fish are dead and my cat is missing!”

Friend: “What are you talking about? Your pets are fine.”

Me: “Why is the heater to the saltwater tank unplugged?!”

Friend: “The water felt too warm, so I thought I’d let it cool down a little so they don’t cook to death.”

Me: “They’re tropical fish! The house is cold! The water was just right for them!”

(I drag her over to the betta tank.)

Me: “And what is this?!”

Friend: “That’s your surprise! The tank looked so empty with only one fish in it, so I got him a friend!”

Me: “They’re called fighting fish for a reason! They don’t make friends! You just killed my favorite fish! And where’s my cat?!”

Friend: “I thought you said you re-homed the cat?”

Me: “No, I said the cat was somewhere around the home! She should be here, but she’s not!”

Friend: “Well, I’m so sorry you weren’t clear about that. But you know what? I don’t have to sit here and take you yelling at me, when all I did was try to help you take better care of your pets. I’m leaving, and don’t ever call me for help again!”

Me: “Oh, trust me, I won’t. I value my pets’ lives too much!”

(I couldn’t save the rest of my saltwater fish, as they were all too sickly from the negligent care and died while I tried to rehabilitate them. The other betta I did manage to save, though once its fins started to grow back I realized that it was the ugliest colored fish I’d ever seen. As horrible as it may sound, I couldn’t help but wish that my fish had been the winner. I also found out from a mutual friend that my house had been trashed because she’d been throwing weekly parties without telling me, and that no one thought to call me because she led them to believe I’d given her permission. I also found out that my cat had escaped the house during one of the parties to get away from the noise. Fortunately, my neighbors had found her pleading to come inside during a snowstorm and were taking care of her until I got home, so I got her back. As for my “friend”, we never speak to each other anymore, and quite frankly, I’m happy for that.)