My Father The Hero Sandwich

(My mother and I have a preference for a certain sandwich chain shop where you can order a six-inch or foot-long sandwiches with your choice of salads, sauces, etcetera. We have a go-to order so we can get through the system quickly, but every time my Dad goes into one of these stores, the same thing happens:)

Mum & I: “We’ll have the [Foot-Long Sandwich] on [bread], please.”

Mum: “Cheese and toasted, please.”

Me: “No cheese, and no toasted, please.”

Dad: “I’ll take some of that beef, and some of that bacon, and throw some of that other meat on there.”

(At this point the staff always look confused, as that is not one of the “set” combos, meaning pricing will be difficult.)

Me: “Dad, you can’t ask for that; you need to pick a sandwich type from the boards.”

Dad: “But I just want a mix of things.”

Me: *desperately scanning the boards for something with that combination of meats* “Well, why not try [other sandwich]?”

Dad: “Fine, but I don’t understand why they can’t have a selection of meat like they do the salad section?”

Server: “And would you like cheese on this, sir?”

Dad: “Sorry?”

Server: “Do you want cheese on this sandwich, sir?”

Dad: “Oh, does it come with cheese, then?!”

(Every. Single. Time. So, to staff at this chain: I’m sorry. I do try and get him to pick a sandwich type, honest!)