(The primary school I go to is only five houses from home. Mum and the principal are both known for their far-carrying voices. It is a sunny day, when mum is doing some gardening, and school has morning recess. My principal has noticed my brothers misbehaving.)

Principal: “[Name] and [name]! Those are not monkey bars. Come down at once.”

(Suddenly, they hear my mum’s voice bellowing from five houses away.)

Mum: “[NAME], DO AS THE PRINCIPAL TELLS YOU!”

Principal: “Thank you, Mrs. [name].”

Mum: “YOU’RE WELCOME! ANYTHING ELSE?”

Principal: “No, thank you; I’m covered.”

(My brother did claims to this day, 30+ years later, that he is still traumatized by the voice from above.)

(I am in Social Studies, and have a bad case of the hiccups.)

Teacher: “Hey [my name], you have the hiccups?”

Me: *nods yes*

(The teacher is quiet for a few moments, with the entire class watching.)

Teacher: “YAAAARGH!”

(The entire class jumps, including me.)

Teacher: “Are they gone?”

Me: “Yes!”

(It is my first day at college. Everyone else is new, so we’re all in the same boat. My second lesson is Philosophy. We’ve been given a sheet of brainteaser questions as a starter.)

Teacher: “Okay, everyone stop writing. The first one was ‘How many four-foot-tall, 30kg children can you fit in an empty Mini Cooper’?”

Girl Next To Me: “As many as you want, depending on how thinly you slice them.”

(This takes place in my World History class, as we are learning about World War II.)

Teacher: “Now, why did we get involved in the war?”

(The teacher sees Girl #1 holding up her hand.)

Teacher: “Yes [Girl #1]?”

Girl #1: “Because we knew about the Holocaust and wanted to stop it.”

Teacher: “Well not exactly. We did know of at least some of the activities related to the Holocaust, but that’s not why we got involved. Come on guys! It has to do with Japan.”

(I start to raise my hand, but Girl #2, Girl #1’s best friend, raises hers first.)

Girl #2: “Oh, I know! Because we wanted their oil!”

Teacher: “No that’s not it… It was because they attacked Pearl Harbor.”

Girl #1: “Oh my god! I love that movie!”

Girl #2: “I know! It’s so tragic and beautiful.”

Teacher: “No it’s not! It’s a piece of crap!”

Girl #1: “How can you not like that movie?!”

Teacher: “Because the girl jumps from her supposed ‘true love’ to his best friend in a snap. It’s basically a d*** soap-opera with Pearl Harbor as a backdrop. And the attack itself isn’t given much weight since the only character who is at the harbor had a cameo appearance at best. We have no real emotional connections to the characters, and they get historical facts completely wrong! You can like it all you want, but don’t mention it again in my class.”

Girl #1 & #2: *silent and shocked*

Teacher: *like nothing happened* “So anyway, the attack on Pearl Harbor…”

(I teach 8th grade English at a public school, so students often ask me the meanings of words they hear. )

Male Student: “So what does, um … ’emasculate’ mean?”

Me: “Uh, well, it means… kind of … to insult a guy by calling him girly things. Who said that word to you?”

Male Student: “Oh, no one. I overheard my mom say it to my dad.”